In today’s email
- Whose life are you living?
- A Comma, a Breakdown, and a Breakthrough
- The dangers of people pleasing
Something to consider
You’re the one who has to live the life you create. If you’re creating one that’s someone else’s version, will it ever truly feel like yours?
It was about 8.00 p.m. on a Friday.
My senior and I were just about wrapping up to celebrate the rare early night off. My dreams of sushi and the glorious chilly oil I had craved all week were finally going to come to life.
There was only one final task: A short 5-liner email to be given to the boss.
We drafted it in minutes and rushed into his cabin so it could be sent out asap.
My senior and I, sitting on the other side of the desk, watching the boss read the email, smirked at each other in anticipation of the sushi to follow.
But things didn’t go as planned.
His face got tense. Eyebrows furrowed.
He could either have been disgusted or really, really angry. And angry he was. He had spotted a misplaced comma in the endnotes of the email!
And before any of you email me telling me I’m also a lawyer, I should know how the commas change the game. Let me please tell you that it wasn’t that kind of a comma. 🙂 It was a useless kind of comma mistakenly mentioned in the citations.
Anyway, the guy was so furious he couldn’t get a hold of himself.
So he yelled. For 45 minutes.
Needless to say, when we stepped out, we were exhausted.
But more than that, we were relieved.
At least, it was over.
Or so we thought.
Till we were called back for round 2.
Which went on for another 30 minutes.
This time around, he didn’t hesitate to tell us we had ruined HIS Friday night. HE had plans.
But urgh, the comma in the citations!
No surprise, but the sushi never happened that day.
You know what happened instead? Tears! (Super uncomfortable sharing that, but vulnerability denied is happiness compromised, right?)
The night thankfully ended, but not the story.
After that, I questioned everything.
Not in a “double-check your work” kind of way.
But in a “I no longer trust myself”, freaked out and confused kind of way.Every sentence. Every source. Every comma.
Everything was now a potential failure.
It made me so angry that he thought he could yell at us for something that he could have corrected without being rude, condescending and without yelling.
I blamed him for a long time.
For making me feel small.
For eroding my confidence.
Until recently, when I had an uncomfortable realisation:
People don’t make you feel bad.
They aren’t rude to you.
They don’t spoil your mood.
They don’t ruin your day.
They can’t.
Unless you let them.
You’re the gatekeeper.
Take back the control. It’s your life to live.
Take it back one day at a time, one small step a day.
It won’t happen in a single day.
There will be days when you’ll fail, and you’ll have to remind yourself.
I know I have to.
But from where I’m now, about 7 years later, trust me, it gets easier.
Not on its own, but with conscious practice.
Your life is yours to live. You don’t need anyone’s permission but your own.
Also, I went to the sushi place later:
Quote of the edition
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
― Lori Gottlieb, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
