You make quick decisions using the shortcuts all the time. Many times, these quick decisions do well. Let’s face it – why make a pros and cons list to decide when to wake up, clothes to wear, menu for lunch, or shoes to wear?

But what about the more important decisions like what career to pursue, how to grow yourself in your workplace, how to take your relationship to the next level, and how to grow your money?

Does the brain make quick decisions to answer such questions as smartly as it should? Are they helping you to get the best results or just quick ones?

What Is Rational Thinking?

Rational thinking means deciding based on logic and facts. You see, we don’t think linearly. In a fraction of a second, we make quick judgements based on cognitive biases, and presumptions, and take shortcuts to get quicker results.

Rational thinking means becoming conscious of all such biases and heuristics to avoid them and make a decision based on facts, logic and evidence that will give you the most value.

It works by helping you take an objective view on problem-solving instead of getting distracted by the factors that do not matter. You see things as they are and not how you want to see them or how they are shown to you.

Why is rational thinking not automatic?

In a study, psychologists conducted tests to check if people could accurately date the events that happened just 5 months ago. They found some people could only date 29% of the events accurately. And the people who dated the recalled events most accurately did so only 62% of the time. 

These people misplaced their memories (also called ‘telescoping’) by thinking that the events had occurred more recently or later than when they actually did. Like I said, we’re not talking about events that happened years ago. We’re talking about events that occurred merely 5 months ago.

Imagine if these people had to make important decisions based on the timings of these events. 

Imagine if these people were you people? Are you sure about the timing of that client email? 

What if you got overconfident and promised the new client the deliverable in an unreasonable timeline? What if you misjudged how much time you needed to study for a test? Or remember having paid the insurance premium on time? 

What if you think that you’re arguing with your partner every week when it’s in fact only once a month? 

Who knew that man is not as rational an animal as Aristotle thought?

How Does Rational Thinking Impact Your Life?

If you thought rationally, you’d

• check when you emailed the client before responding,
• promise a realistic timeline for the deliverable after assessing the real workload,
• review the syllabus and the difficulty level of the test before deciding on the timetable for studying, and
• sit down calmly to figure out what is really going on with you and your partner before jumping to conclusions about your relationship.

Therefore, it’s important to think rationally.

It reduces the likelihood of presumptions and biases ruining your judgement, brings more objectivity to the table, avoids mistakes that will cost you, and improves problem-solving abilities. In totality, it helps you make an effective decision.

What are the barriers to rational thinking?

The brain is a very smart computer. But like any other machine, it sometimes glitches. 

Here is how:

Automatic Responses: Heuristics aka Shortcuts

There are various kinds of shortcuts the brain uses to decide how to proceed. 

Let’s take an example. Your brain associates phones with chatting and wasting time because you see people doing it all the time. 

Now if you see your boss on her phone for the complete first half of the day, you are likely to conclude that she’s wasting time chatting with people (based on availability heuristic) instead of reviewing your work, which needs to go out today. 

She could just be working hard to maintain her relationship with the clients and keep them with the company that pays you your salary.

Who knows? She preempted that she’ll get occupied in the morning and already almost finished reviewing your work yesterday. She just hasn’t sent it to you yet.

Let’s take another instance. If you’ve been watching too many crime shows or too much news on the channels that sensationalise criminal news, you may feel that the crime rates are higher now. But if you see the data, maybe you’d notice that the rates in fact reduced.

Off-topic: I recommend The Desi Crime Podcast – It has given me goosebumps on my evening walks.

Biases and Presumptions: Thinking What You Believe 

We pick up random pieces of information and use them to solve problems in different circumstances.

For instance, I’m sure you’ve been a victim of a stereotype which wasn’t true at all (also known as belief bias).

Sometimes, we only look at information that supports our existing beliefs (aka confirmation bias) and we ignore the contrary arguments, no matter their merit.

Or believe that bad things only happen to other people, regardless of the circumstances (also known as optimism bias). This helps the brain survive, but sometimes it falters when it has to solve more complex problems.

Because of optimism bias, do we believe that bad things only happen to other people? Smokers with severely damaged lungs might still not think they will develop lung cancer, regardless of contrary evidence presented by medical tests on the state of the lungs.

As a driver, you’d never think that you could get into an accident and drive faster than you should.

Emotional Responses: Not Logical

Emotions often guide us pretty well in our daily decision-making.

To navigate difficult situations, you can tune into their minds for emotional awareness and regulation. This is because the brain associates emotional responses with specific similar situations. If you had an abusive parent or an authority figure, interactions with other authority figures may entice similar anxious emotions for you. This is your brain’s way of warning you of the looming danger. 

But it can also act out and land you in trouble if you don’t stay conscious of it (also, where self-awareness comes into the picture). So intuitive thinking is helpful, but needs to be used with rational thinking.

Click here to read the complete guide to self-awareness.

For example, affection, love and attachment light up the brain’s reward systems and signal to you it’s good to stay close to the person who ignites these rewards for you. But if you feel intense affection or attachment, you may also ignore the rational signs (also called ‘red flags’) that it’s never going to work.

Memory Misplacement: You Think You Remember It All

Our memory is not perfect. We already spoke about telescoping earlier in the article. 

We confuse people, sources of information, and incidents that happened to others as if they happened to us, and mix up details from different stories more often than we’d like.

No matter how confident you are, you are likely to forget the timing of the memories that happened just 5 months ago. 

Data Driven: Not Data Analytical 

Even if we’re relying on data, our minds can mislead us while reviewing it. 

We ignore the base rate and focus too much on the numerator. It’s called denominator bias.

For example, if someone tells you that there is a 1 in 100 chance you’ll win the lottery or a 100 in 10000 chance that you’ll win the lottery, you’re likely to ignore that the chances are as bleak as the first one.

We also ignore the statistical information if we’re presented with specific facts or information to consider when dealing with any problem. We focus on the specifics and forget about the complete picture. This happens because of low base rate sensitivity. 

An example that is often given is that a doctor should consider how common/rare a disease is before giving his diagnosis.

Sometimes, the manner in which the information is presented to us also influences our decisions. Also called framing bias. 

Imagine, if a doctor tells you that 90% of the people suffering from the same disease as you recover, you’ll feel way better than if the doctor tells you that 10% of the people suffering never recover.

Egocentric Thinking: Living In Your Bubble

It’s harsh but it’s true – your view is not the only right one. 

Generally, infants and teenagers think that only their worldview is the correct one. No other view is even possible. But as we grow, we learn to understand that everyone can have a different opinion on the matter, and sometimes, listening to them may even be beneficial for us. 

Unfortunately, not all adults learn this if they haven’t matured with their age.

For example, if the adult has spent too much time being the big boss and surrounded by lots of yes-men in her life, it could be hard for her to acknowledge others’ contrary views.

how to think rationally: Rules to make thoughtful decisions

You can be one of the smartest people in the room with the highest levels of Intelligence Quotient, but that doesn’t guarantee you make the best decisions. 

So, how do we reason? What can we do to ensure that our major life decisions are not based only on hinges, or incomplete or misleading data (even if it is correct)?

Let’s dive into the rules of rational thinking.

Take A Minute and Procrastinate Decision-Making

There are two kinds of pauses we’re talking about here:

Pre-decision pondering pause

A few days ago, I was out shopping at one of the flagship retail stores. While billing, the shopkeeper suggested that I pay 200 bucks to purchase the membership so I could avail a birthday month discount at the store. 

Looking at how he insisted, I requested him to proceed without the discount, because these store membership plans are always a scam. Obviously, there would have been some catch in this.

He looked at me in sheer disbelief and insisted again. This made my resolve to not purchase the membership even stronger. I told him to please process the bill because we were late and hungry.  

But thankfully, he was one of the nice guys there and explained to me that if I paid 200, I would get 20% off on a bill of 5000 (i.e., about 1000 off) right now. This means I’d save 800 bucks right on the spot. There was no catch!

I looked at him embarrassed and handed him another 200 bucks for the membership. 

While this time the shopkeeper saved me, we may not all be so lucky each time. 

Pre-decision pauses help to calculate the consequences of each of your decisions can save you time and money. Ponder over the circumstances and be deliberate in the calculations and the pros and cons, because you need to prompt the machine (brain) to not be lazy.

Reflection pause

We get so lost in completing our work, getting tasks ticked off the to-do lists, that sometimes we forget why we’re doing them.

This is a more general pause taken even with no inducement, at regular intervals, to look at the bigger picture and think about:

• Why are you doing this? 
• Who are you doing this for?
• What is going to result from your actions?

Instead of deciding on auto-pilot, be intentional in doing whatever you want to do.

Look Beyond the Fuzz

According to the fuzzy trace theory, we process information in two different compartments of the brain. One compartment stores the gist of our perceptions, while the other keeps verbatim details. 

You’ve heard about how the Greeks used a Trojan Horse to win a war. Do you remember which war? Who were they fighting against? Which Greek God was the horse supposed to be an offering to? You remember the gist but have most likely forgotten the details.

As we grow older, we rely more and more on the ‘gist’ to solve complex problems. The problem, however, is that you frame the gist based on your state of mind, education, culture, social setting and worldview. 

While the gist compartment may be efficient, it alone may not be accurate in giving you information. You need to put both your compartments to good use.

Tune Into Your Emotions 

Rational thinking is not devoid of emotions. Emotions are neural responses of the brain to our circumstances, often based on long-term learning and provide essential information about our experiences that we may not pay attention to.

Acknowledge the emotional state of mind but both and by using both, you can get the most suitable results.

Active Critical and Open Thinking

Make the brain do the hard work and analyse each problem with an open mind. When you identify a problem, take a break and be deliberate in:

• Question the assumptions and biases.
• Think about the solutions.
• Analyse the pros and cons of each solution.
• Discuss the problem with others, especially stakeholders.
• Evaluate the different outcomes and compare them.
• Draw logical solutions based on your analysis.

Use All Your Mindware

You’re not born a learned expert, so have to learn new concepts, collect relevant information and use active critical and open thinking to decide. Without it, you’ll at best make sub-optimal decisions and choices.

If you have the right facts and data, you can override the automatic responses of the brain based on intuitive thinking. With the right mindware, you can ditch the unsuitable responses based on biases and presumptions, and do more rational thinking.

Takeaway: Decouple from the automatic by:

• Questioning the stereotypes and biases, and
• Questioning your natural response to the task 

Ditch Rationalisation

We’re human and we make mistakes. The only way to avoid making any mistakes is not to do anything. 

Accept your mistake instead of making excuses to justify the wrong action. Don’t find logic in the irreversible actions to rationalize them. Instead, take a pause and look beyond the fuzz. How can you best solve the problem now that you know what doesn’t work?

Making a mistake isn’t reflective of your intelligence. If you made a mistake, celebrate because that means you tried. You’ve moved forward. Acknowledge that and move on. 

Disintegrate and reintegrate supporting data

Look at the numerator and the denominator when reviewing any data points by analysing the bigger picture, considering all the specific facts and the overall probability, and presenting the data in positive and negative frames. 

Just like the shopping experience I discussed above, instead of only looking at how much extra you’ll have to pay, sit down and calculate how it translates into savings and by how much. 

Instead of looking at only the 90% success rate, make a mental note that it means there is a 10% failure rate. Not to scare yourself, but to make a calculated choice after considering all the factors that contribute to success or failure.

Next Steps

• Your brain is wired to finish scrolling and moving to the next topic. But hold on, take a pause.
• You need to chase maximum rewards. Don’t compromise and adjust to sub-optimal responses your brain gives you. 
• To think rationally, you’ll have to think, DELIBERATELY. This is a one-page printable PDF to remind you to do that. 
• Chase maximum rewards – don’t compromise and adjust to sub-optimal solutions.
• Look for solutions and not for problems – be a learner now a judger.

Free Printable PDF – Checklist on Rules of Rational Thinking

Please take a print and hang it up on your work-desk, or fridge at home, or keep it in your desk drawer at work.

Be aware of your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers. Easy enough.

But wait until you hear this.

A study asked 6,977 senior executives to identify their greatest strengths. Then, researchers asked colleagues to review those executives’ weaknesses. The result? 79% of executive’s greatest strength was reported as a weakness by their peers.

Yep, it’s HARD to be objective about yourself. It’s not just about self-improvement. It impacts workplace dynamics, team productivity, and overall success.

You’re probably thinking this is pointless, right? What does working at a better company or even profitability have to do with the level of self-awareness at the workplace?

Hold on, we’ll get there.

Before we dive into ‘why’, let’s understand what emotional self-awareness is.

What is Emotional Self-Awareness?

• Self-awareness is the ability to be in touch with yourself and your surroundings. 
• Knowing your triggers, how do they affect you and the surrounding others?
• It is the ability to recognise the exact emotion you’re feeling and, at some level, even predict how a situation will make you feel.
• It forms the core and the first step towards acquiring emotional intelligence.

P.S. If you want a deep dive into what emotional intelligence is, how it impacts workplace relationships etc., please read this.

Knowing your emotions helps you understand them, decode how others would comprehend them, and direct conscious emotional self-regulation to become a 2.0.

Breaking it down

Internal Self-Awareness

• How well do you know yourself?
• How are you affected by your surroundings?
• What keeps you motivated and driven?
• What ticks you off?

External Self-Awareness

• How does your behaviour impact others?
• Does your self-perception align with how others view you?
• How does your team respond to your actions? For example, how do they feel when you express anxiety through anger?

What is the Role of Self-Awareness in Emotional Intelligence?

Self-awareness is the first step towards emotional intelligence. According to Goleman, there are five components of emotional intelligence:

• self-awareness, 
• self-regulation, 
• motivation, 
• empathy, and 
• social skills.

You need to know what to regulate, how to motivate, how you impact others and how interaction works for executing the other aspects of emotional intelligence.

Why is Emotional Self-Awareness Crucial for the Workplace?

Enhancing Team Dynamics

A very interesting study by the Korn Ferry Hay Group showed that 92% of the teams led by emotionally self-aware leaders functioned with high energy and performance.

Self-aware employees are less likely to be emotionally reactive. They are happy to collaborate with the team and are open to opportunities. Fea

Trustworthy and Adaptable Leadership

A leader who knows how her actions affect her team can regulate them better.

As a result, she can help to create an environment where people are least triggered and look forward to Monday mornings instead of dreading them.

Clear Communication

Seth Godin gives an excellent example to explain the importance of communication, where a comedian walks into a room full of people and tests his set right before his big show.

To his shock, he doesn’t get a single chuckle, let alone a laugh. He is furious, anxious and mad all at once. And that too right before his big show.

All this only to discover that his set was in English, but the room only had people who spoke Italian. For a good one hour, he was talking to people in a language they didn’t understand. How are they to understand the joke?

The point is, that communication only works when it’s understood. As a leader, you need to talk to your team in a manner they understand – by talking to them and not at them.

Be direct and say your piece without judgment but in a manner, they will listen.

Conflict Resolution at Workplace

As I said earlier, self-awareness is as much about knowing how you affect others around you as it is about understanding how the environment affects you. This helps you review every aspect of the situation from a more compassionate and empathetic perspective.

A direct result of better and more transparent communication in the workplace is a reduced likelihood of misunderstandings.

Better Emotional Regulation

Knowing that you’re anxious due to an upcoming meeting allows you to understand that emotion and not make any decisions amidst it. 

You’ll know it’s time to take a break and return to the matter after collecting more information.

If you’re reading this, you know you’re breathing, but you may not be controlling it. But the moment you notice it, you can control it.

This is how better self-awareness sets the ground for better self-regulation.  It is the first step towards better self-control.

Improved Decision Making

Awareness of a heightened emotional reaction prevents rash decisions.

Instead of jumping to conclusions and deciding based on assumptions and bias, you’re able to take a conscious step back to assess the situation and better direct your team.

Why Self-Awareness is Hard but Worth Every Effort

Self-awareness is important, but it’s hard. I don’t blame you for not checking in because it’s one, tedious to keep doing this and two, it’s hard. 

• It’s hard to face the reality, especially when you’re not proud of it.
• It takes courage; requires you to be a bigger person stop constantly questioning yourself and be afraid of how others view you.
• It leaps to get out of your head. Simply because someone doesn’t like your reaction to one thing doesn’t mean they don’t like you.

But the criticism of your work doesn’t define you. 

Think about it. Put yourself on the opposite side. 

You like the work by a junior of yours and you see great potential. But you recognise they are rushing through their work because they’re stressing about meeting a deadline.

You see, the work and they’ve made the most obvious mistake in the document’s title that the client would’ve flipped over. Thankfully, you’ve caught it, so you go to them and tell them they need to slow down and read the document with a cool head before turning it in.

Does this mean you hate your junior? Does it mean you think she is a horrible person who can’t improve and has no hope? NOT AT ALL.

This is constructive feedback that can help her do better in the long run. The junior is lucky to have you around to contribute to them and add value to their work.

Now if only you get out of your head just like you’d want the junior to get out of theirs, how smart would you be to let others add value to you?

Barriers to Self-Awareness at Workplace

As simple as we make it sound to get to know ourselves better, it’s hard to fight the internal and external challenges that keep us from it.

Cognitive Biases

We may think we’re fantastic at our job. So much so, that even when your supervisors consistently tell you that you need to improve, you dismiss it without a second thought.

Fear of Vulnerability

We are wired to draw assumptions. If we want to observe and draw logical conclusions, we need to pause and consciously take in the facts.

What if the boss doesn’t appreciate me at all? What if asking for feedback triggers a series of negative observations that will eventually lead me to quit my job?

We’re all scared of criticism because we all fear vulnerability. We all want validation. 

Defensiveness towards Feedback

As I said, some of us may view asking for feedback as a back-footed position where we’re handing the power to judge someone else.

Well, that may be the case. We are allowing someone else to judge our shortcomings, but that doesn’t make them more powerful.

Using Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism

When the reality is hard to handle, threatening or uncomfortable, we use denial to cope with the reality.

We love denial. If we don’t believe there is a problem, is there a problem? If I refuse to accept that a senior gave negative feedback, did it happen?

Makes life simpler, doesn’t it? No, it doesn’t because it’s temporary. 

Toxic Work Environments

If your workplace doesn’t encourage collaboration and allows politics in the office, there is no accurate observation for you to note. Similarly, if your team is busy blaming each other, there is less scope for giving and taking feedback from them.

Underestimating the Role of Self-Awareness for Productivity

We’ve discussed how emotionally intelligent managers lead their teams to work to achieve the highest possible efficiency.

The team managers don’t understand how a team that gets along better with each other can perform vastly better in terms of productivity and profitability. Instead of driving performance using these tools, they over-emphasise increased working hours, more face time at work, etc.

Lack of Feedback Systems

Feedback systems present an opportunity to assess the direction of the performance at periodic intervals.

Even if the team is highly self-aware, a good feedback system enables the team members to communicate their observations and expectations clearly, setting the ground for formulating plans to improve.

Rigid Corporate Culture

In some workplaces, there are rigid standards for behaviour and fixed chains of communication. The culture of such environments discourages direct communication by breaking the chain.

Poor Role Models

Children replicate their parents and juniors at the office replicate their long-term bosses. If the leadership is unreliable and discourages discussions about performance and how to improve it, the team will mimic it.

Can You Learn to Be Self-Aware?

We’re all born and are instantly aware of the physical aspects of our body and the environment. But no one is born self-aware. It’s not a personality trait.

It’s a skill but not the kind that you learn once and then forget about. It’s an ongoing process. You learn to make a conscious choice every day to be self-aware.

You can cultivate self-awareness through dedicated time, commitment to emotional intelligence growth, and conscious effort.

Let’s talk about how. 

Signs of Emotional Self-Awareness (or Lack Thereof) at Workplace

You’re Not Emotionally Aware if:

• You have difficulty accepting feedback.
• You don’t like it when someone criticises you. In fact, at some level, you’re probably thinking this post is not to help you but to blame you.
• You feel attacked even if a third person is being talked about in a situation.
• You don’t remember the last time you apologised for something.
• You do not know what triggers you, overwhelms you, makes you angry or stresses you out.
• Anyone who tells you that you are at fault is jealous or manipulative.
• You always feel misunderstood by others, but it’s never your fault.

You Are Not Emotionally Aware if:

• When someone gives you feedback, you don’t question their intentions.
• You know of the situations that stress you out or trigger you.
• You find it easy to trust people around you.
• If there is a misunderstanding, you don’t feel like it’s a burden to resolve it.
• You’re also open to apologising in situations.
• You can apprehend what situations will stress you out, so you plan accordingly.
• When someone points out an area of improvement, you don’t outright reject it.
• You know when there is a negative emotion incoming.

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Practical Ways to Develop Self-Awareness at Workplace

Check-in with Sensory Experiences

Richard Davidson uses the term ‘interception’ to explain our perception of the internal signals of the body – the ability to notice the fastened heart rate, tightening muscles, clenched fists, change in the tone or the volume while speaking, burrowing brows, or the building up anxiety in the chest.

Each emotion triggers a specific response from the nervous system of the body. When you get angry, your heart rate increases, you will breathe faster, your pupils will get dilated and you’ll release adrenaline.

Take a few minutes to scan your body and note the sensory physiological responses. These will give you insightful cues about how you’re feeling.

Identify Emotional Triggers

Use a journal to go over your day to label the emotions you felt and the circumstances that made you feel that way. Discuss the wins and the losses, the challenges you faced and how you overcame them.

You can later use these triggers as the basis for further self-reflection and self-regulation.

If you want to learn how to be self-aware, this is where you start. Set a reminder on your phone for a weekly 20-minute session scheduled on a workday so you don’t get lazy.

Do this every week for about 6 to 7 weeks and you can then do this regularly and automatically without having to sit and journal for it all the time.

Label Emotions Without Judgement

We’re humans and as much as we hate it, we will be sad, disappointed, embarrassed, confused, angry, stressed, lonely, jealous, and happy at some point.

What you feel is not who you are. Label what you’re feeling without judging the emotion or yourself for feeling it. Be aware that you’re feeling it.

Feel free to refer to this post where we’ve discussed emotional awareness in detail.

Ask for Feedback and Track Progress 

If you don’t even know where you started, how are you going to review and measure your progress?

You need a reference point to see and observe an actual improvement in your work performance, know how to fix it and check if the solutions you deployed are working.

You may think that you’ll remember the exact details of the feedback and figure out an improvement plan, but believe me, you need to record it.

Our short-term memory lasts about 15 to 30 seconds depending on the information and how much attention we pay to it. Without repetition, practice or rehearsal, the information will fade with time. This is just science.

Schedule Regular Self-Awareness Sessions

How often do you check in with yourself to figure out if you’re feeling disappointed, embarrassed, angry, sad, misunderstood, jealous, contempt, envy, disgust, fear, shame or threatened?

And how often do you check in with others and how they are feeling? What do they think about the team and how it functions? Are they even comfortable enough to express it to me and will I take it well and react constructively or use it against them at a later date?

These don’t have to be one-hour-long sessions. I’m talking about 5 minutes a day and maybe 20 minutes every week.

If you want your life to change, want to get better at your job, and have better relationships with the team members, it will not happen on its own. You’ll have to take small steps to make it happen.

Self-Awareness: Not a Destination but a Journey

You may know yourself well today, but you’ll go out into the world tomorrow, have new experiences, and need to learn about yourself again.

You may be highly self-aware at home, but you may not be in touch with your emotions and how others respond to your actions in a distinct setting, let’s say, at work.

Self-awareness is, therefore, a journey.

You brush every single day (I hope), bathe every day (mostly), and eat your meals (I’m sure) every day. It’s not that you can’t do something you’ve been wanting to do. You are lazy or you don’t want to do it badly enough.

This isn’t a one-time job. You’ve to do it regularly not as a chore but as an essential practice.

Final Thoughts

• Self-awareness includes internal and external awareness.
• Self-awareness is not a destination, but a journey.
• It’s supremely important because it forms the basis of emotional intelligence and relationship management in the workplace.
• Good relationships amongst members = happier teams = ready to collaborate = spend more time together where necessary = more productivity and greater efficiency = more profitability.
• 360-degree feedback is a good starting point for inculcating a culture of free-flowing communication for better work.
• Start your self-awareness journey today by:
  • Sharing this with your team and implement this on a team level
  • Asking for feedback
  • Noting it in your journal
  • Strategising how to go about the improvement and
  • Setting a reminder for measuring progress and the next feedback check.

Yes, it’s that simple.

Better work is more about building good relationships than we think. A team that likes each other is happy to collaborate, discuss ideas for the good of the organisation, and cover for each other’s shortcomings. 

Not only do emotionally intelligent people perform better, but they also encourage others to perform better by laying good foundations for relationships, even in the workplace.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Definition of Emotional Intelligence

According to Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, “emotional intelligence” is the ability to understand one’s emotions and their influence on others, and the faculties to use them to communicate better. 

Emotional intelligence allows you to have excellent knowledge of your feelings and equips you with the ability to manage them.

Importance of Emotional Intelligence for Relationship Management at Workplace

You can be a master at your job. No one else could do it how well you do it. But that alone is not enough to make you a good leader. You also need to be a better relationship manager. 

More than the head, it’s managing from the heart that helps. Yes, even for increasing productivity and profitability in corporate enterprises.

What are the core components of emotional intelligence?

Goleman states that five components make up emotional intelligence.

Self-awareness

What are your shortcomings, strengths, emotions, triggers, and motivations? Which environment do you work best in? What helps you collaborate better with others and stops you from doing that?

A self-aware person is usually confident, has a healthy sense of self-esteem, knows their shortcomings and takes constructive criticism well.

It sounds simple; I know. But wait till you read this—the quality that 79 out of 100 executives reported as their strongest skill; others in the team reported it as the executives’ weakness. 

Self-regulation

Knowing what ticks you off is good, but it’s useless if you don’t know how to regulate it. 

For instance, if your juniors have made a mistake, it might make you angry, and that’s fine. The question is, how do you respond to that emotion?

Are you able to get a hold of yourself, or are you getting overwhelmed, losing yourself to your emotions by screaming at anyone who is in front of you?

Once you’re aware of your tendency to overreact or get angry over certain issues, you need to cultivate the tools to regulate that anger and not react on the spur of the moment.

How do you know if you need to self-regulate?

• If people find it hard to trust you, rely on you, walk on eggshells around you.
• You feel uncomfortable with change and find yourself stressed and unable to understand basic concepts for solving the problem.

Motivation

What drives you to do better? What drives your team to do better? 

You can leverage that knowledge to inspire yourself and your team to improve performance and productivity by setting goals and rewarding the team members upon the achievement of milestones and goals. 

How to determine if you or your team are motivated?

• Are they sluggish or energetic in the office?
• Are they excited about picking up new tasks or dreading them?
• How do they react when there is a challenging deadline approaching?
• Are they optimistic about the company and the team’s performance or not?
• Empathy 

This is the ability to put yourself in others’ shoes and see things from their point of view. Empathy is at the root of many interpersonal aptitudes, such as teamwork, persuasion, and leadership.

As a leader, empathy will help you understand the feelings and shortcomings of your team and communicate better with them. 

You should be able to notice their discomfort with the current state, look at their face and be able to tell that they have something more to add and ask questions to bring out the best in them.

You should be open to listening to your team and the solutions they propose, helping you become a better manager and decision-maker.

As an emphatic leader, you’ll see that your team likes you and will go the extra mile for you.

Social Skills

These are the skills to walk into a room, be in tune with the atmosphere, and regulate it. 

Achievement of goals and functioning well in stressful environments requires a group of people to function in the same rhythm with each other. 

It requires clear communication and understanding of goals amongst the team members. Everyone needs to be on the same page about what needs to be done.

Interestingly, if you are in tune with your own emotions, it’s easier to notice the emotions of others and communicate with them.

Why is emotional intelligence important for leaders and organisations: Research insights

Don’t have to believe me, but believe Goleman, who studied senior executives of 188 companies globally and found the divisions of managers who were emotionally intelligent, outperformed yearly earnings by 20%. That’s a lot.

There is a ton of research by psychologists that shows that people with better emotional quotient are more likely to succeed at work when compared to intelligence quotient. 

Even kids who were trained in programs offering social and emotional learning opportunities had lesser suspension rates, attended school more often and were more disciplined.

When Goleman compared differences between average and exceptional performers, he was stunned to note that 90% of the difference in their profiles was because of emotional intelligence. Now that is an enormous number!

How does emotional intelligence impact team relationships?

The ripple effect of mood across teams

Yale University did a very interesting experiment in 1998. 

They divided their volunteers into groups and planted actors among them. When given a task, the actor in the group always spoke first.

In group one, the actor, within one group, spoke with cheerful enthusiasm.

Another actor spoke with relaxed warmth in the second group.

In the third, the actor spoke sluggishly.

And in the fourth, the actor spoke irritably.

But like I said, he always spoke first. 

The research found that the actor’s emotional state influenced the entire group’s mood. The feeling-good group was more cooperative, and that improved their performance. 

Even the most effective leaders in the US Navy exhibited warmth, outgoingness, emotional expressiveness, drama, and sociability.

Now that I think of it, this is exactly how Sir Sam Manekshaw also is described in his autobiographical accounts. People still talk about his charisma, ability to inspire, and humble and considerate behaviour today, and these qualities continue to motivate crowds. What a great leader!

Your mood affects the surrounding people. If you can’t handle stress as a manager, the team is going to imitate you subconsciously and perform poorly.

Demotivated people, not toxic workplaces 

I’ve heard people often casually remark their office is horrible.

The work sucks.

The culture of the team is highly toxic.

The idea of going to work on Mondays is distressing, to say the least.

More often than not, it’s not about the firm or the company, but the attitude of the team and the manager reflecting on the team. 

Example of the impact of an emotionally unintelligent manager 

Imagine a manager who has no control over his stressors. He gets angry at the drop of a hat and doesn’t hesitate before taking it out on the team. 

How does it matter if a new employee is unfamiliar with the company’s practices? How does it matter if it’s a mistake doesn’t change the merits of the matter and is noticed by the other seniors whose job is the find those mistakes? 

Instead of listening to his team and attempting to understand their point of view, the manager jumps to conclusions about their incompetencies. He loses himself to his anger and tells them they are worse than interns and what a big mistake he has made by hiring them. 

How do you think this is going to affect the team?

Example of the impact of an emotionally intelligent manager

In a parallel universe, imagine if the manager, instead of resorting to yelling, had sat his team down and encouraged them to ask for help to understand how things are done. 

Had he spoken to the freshers to identify why they didn’t ask their team members for help, they’d have felt more comfortable in asking for help the next time around.

How do you think the team would respond to this situation?

Building Happier and collaborative team relationships

I’m sure your answer to the above scenario was not far from the answers in the research findings. 

An emphatic approach by the manager would’ve improved communication in the team and helped build trust among the team members and the leader. 

The teams are happier, more satisfied and thus, more productive at work. Not a tad bit more, but about 8 times more productive than the unhappier ones.

These teams, unsurprisingly, are the core profit centres of any organization, and an emotionally intelligent leader heads them.

Better communication and conflict resolution

An emotionally intelligent manager communicates better by establishing clarity in roles and goals, and the team also emulates the same behaviour. 

It results in better communication between the team and reduces the chances of conflict between the team members.

Signs of low emotional intelligence in the workplace

An emotionally unintelligent person is one who 

• has a hard time understanding their emotions,
• often lose their cool, 
• blames others for poor performance, 
• doesn’t communicate goals, work and deadlines well, and 
• is insensitive to others’ feelings.

At the workplace, the state of relationships is direct evidence of the level of emotional intelligence of the members and the management. 

The members of such a team are often unhappy with the management, demotivated, feel misunderstood and are not willing to collaborate with other members of the team.

Chances are that team members don’t feel like they have a voice. As a result, the teams don’t function well and therefore don’t perform well. 

Can one learn emotional intelligence?

The level of emotional intelligence depends on several factors, including upbringing, social circles, experiences, cultural influences, education and the environment.

It is not something we are all born with, although there is scientific evidence of some genetic influence on empathy, one of its key components. 

Sadly, it isn’t part of the formal education system, and children don’t learn it unless they attend a special social and emotional learning program.

But it can certainly be learned. Leaders can be made.

How to Improve Emotional Intelligence for Better Relationships at Work

If a person is open to change, a focused and individualised approach based on increased motivation, extended practice and feedback helps to train the limbic system of the brain, the part of the brain that handles feelings. 

Motivate people to change

In Goleman’s words – 

“It’s important to emphasise that building one’s emotion cannot – will not – happen without sincere desire and concentrated effort. A brief seminar won’t help, nor can one buy a how-to manual. It is much harder to learn to empathise – to internal is empathy as a natural response to people than it is to become adept at regression analysis. But it can be done. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

The first step is, therefore, motivation. Give people a reason to change.

You can use negative stimulants by telling people you’ll have them fired if they don’t deliver on time. Or, you can positively stimulate them by showing appreciation and faith in their abilities or rewarding them for a job well done—a method proven more sustainable and effective in the long run.

Journal for self-reflection 

This is one tool of emotional wellness that I advocate for in each of my posts. I think. 

At the end of each day, at least each week, sit and go over your meetings and interactions with your colleagues. Think about what worked well for you and others, what did not help, how did you react to someone expressing disagreement or missing a tiny detail, etc.

Think about where you are, who you want to be, and what would you like to change about these interactions by acknowledging you got triggered and observing what caused the triggers.

Pro tip: You can prepare your business’s books yourself, but a professional accountant, trained for years, will do a far superior job. Why doubt how much a professional can help you with your mental health? 

Review these notes on a timely basis to stay on track and measure your progress.

Build emotional awareness

Feel free to refer to this post where we’ve discussed emotional awareness in detail.

Pick up your journal and name those feelings so you can start figuring out where they are coming from and walk towards a peaceful you.

It will be easier to deal with emotions if you know what exactly you are feeling. 

Is it anger, anxiety, confusion, disappointment, loneliness, sadness, jealousy, or overstressed? What is causing it? 

We can’t change the external circumstances but by tweaking our response to the situation, we can change the outcome. And to change the response, you need to look internally. 

Learn Emotional Resilience

You’re not born with the ability to regulate your emotions.

But lucky for you, it can be learned.

Put yourself out of the setting, remove yourself from the environment for a bit, journal and let it all out, pause and look at the bigger picture.

Stop reacting, start responding

Before saying it out loud, think about whether you’re reacting, or are you responding based on logic and observation. Instead of responding at the moment, please take two minutes off and say it in your head first.

The signs that you’re reacting and not responding can be hard to notice at first. But it will become easier with practice.

The most prominent sign you can pick up for this exercise is to notice others’ reactions to you. Do they get nervous around you or can they express themselves confidently? Are they walking on eggshells when they communicate or openly crack jokes with you?

Some other signs that you need the time out before deciding can be your racing heartbeat, brain fog, anxiety, confusion, difficulty understanding simple issues etc.

As you start to become more emotionally stable, you’ll notice that your state directly affects the mood and motivation levels of your team as well.

Practice transparent communication 

When you’re the one playing games, you’ll feel you’re smart, and nobody else can see what you’re doing. But trust me, even the dumbest person in the room can see right through your games.

So do yourself a favour and communicate directly with your team. Be clear about your expectations, honest about deadlines and constructive while giving feedback. Instead of judging, strive to develop a learner mindset.

Treat everyone with respect and empathy

Everyone has had a journey of their own to reach where they are today.

No matter who you are, what position you hold in the organisation, and how much money you earn, you don’t have any right to disrespect anyone. You may not like somebody or their style of working, but screaming and disrespecting will help nobody.

Take two minutes, remove yourself from the triggering environment and calm yourself down before you address the problem in such situations. It’s not hard. Treat them like humans.

Practice active listening

You may be fantastic at your job, but it’s futile to have a team to help if you refuse to listen to them and don’t believe in their abilities.

Encourage discussion amongst the team members and keep an open mind. Fresh perspectives will sometimes surprise you.

This will also help you listen to all voices in the room and make better decisions without being influenced by emotions, assumptions, and biases.

Take accountability for yourself and the team

It’s easy to check out when shit hits the fan and throws somebody else under the bus. But if you do it to somebody else, expect everybody else to do it to you.

Instead of throwing blame, try to figure out how you can fix the problem and prevent it from reoccurring. 

For example, if you haven’t gotten feedback, ask for it instead of waiting. If the work is delayed, ask your team directly if they need more resources, rather than assuming laziness.

Give second chances

Like you, everyone has their bad days. Unless you’re God, I’m sure you have days where you find it hard to focus on work.

Sometimes, people take time to open up and learn about the environment and systems. Give them the time, space and support to upgrade. 

Give them a second chance, like somebody else did for you.

Surround yourself with critics 

It’s great to get constant validation for all your ideas from the people around you.

But it’s these people known as yes men/yes women who will also take you down because they will lie to you for their benefit at the cost of the organisation’s objectives. All they probably care about is their next promotion.

It’s best to surround yourself with people who may not always agree with you, but those who tell the truth. You should be wary of anyone who always agrees with you.

Building a Culture of Emotional Intelligence in Your Organisation

Invest in the learning and development of the team

Create an atmosphere where everyone has a say, encourages people to learn, teaches them how to express themselves and gives them a chance to improve their skills. 

Take a personal interest in their learning and development, and watch them become motivated and improve their work on their own.

Think about it, if your team knows how to do their job better, the biggest beneficiary will be you and your organisation.

Create holistic and effective feedback models

Don’t give and take feedback for the sake of it. The best practice is to create a 360° review system which is taken seriously by everybody from top to bottom.

Don’t be dramatic while giving feedback. Instead, focus on genuinely adding value and helping them improve.

Be careful to ensure that feedback is based on observations regarding work and not on bias and favouritism. Remember, it’s the critics who are going to lead you in the right way and not the yes men/yes women.

And don’t forget to follow up.

Eliminate bias and assumptions

Our brains are trained to jump to conclusions in similar settings. It takes effort and practice to break the cycles of assumptions by communicating clearly and clearing the air.

Make that extra effort to question yourself when you find yourself jumping to conclusions. 

Foster companionship culture

Whether you’re the boss or the junior, if you show up for your team, your team is going to show up for you. 

But especially if you’re in a managerial position, strive to be somebody’s problem solver by being approachable and having an open door policy.

Connect with your team in real-life

Instead of sending get well soon messages, connect with them in real life and watch your team, do the same for you and each other.

As a result, their long working hours won’t seem so long, and they’ll be happy to cover up for each other as and when needed. 

Long-term training by professionals

There is a reason you don’t self-medicate when sick, go to court and argue your case on your own, and send children to school to learn from teachers who are qualified to do the job.

Sure, you can try to improve everyone’s emotional intelligence on your own. You may even be successful once in a while. But because you’re not a professional, you may unknowingly make a mistake and do more harm than good. 

This is someone’s life we’re talking about. For God’s sake, trust the professionals to do their job. 

I know this is a cost, but remember we spoke in numbers about how productive, emotionally intelligent teams are? This will be a favourable bargain in terms of long-term profitability.

Final thoughts

• Emotional intelligence is more than a buzzword. 
• It’s a path to better relationship management at the workplace and a tool for sustainable work environments resulting in higher productivity.
• Keeping people happy and treating them with respect are merely the basics. 
• Inspire trust, motivate the team, create a collaborative culture and foster open communication. 

You can continue to live a shit life. But if you decide it’s time to do better now, subscribe to our newsletter to learn how to live your dream life.

I am a corporate lawyer and worked in a field almost alien to the work-life balance concept. This is the story of how I discovered the importance of work-life balance, how I achieved it, how it changed my life, and how you can achieve work-life balance to change yours if you like. 

I knew nothing about being overworked, professional burnout, work-related stress, and how it can impact my physical and mental health.

I love to keep myself occupied with work. Work-life balance was a concept that I didn’t resonate with at all! To my mind, it was what the lazier ones raved about. 

I did that through school and more through college. I was that person in college who managed my grades pretty well, delivered all my assignments on time (I swear, you can check with my teachers!), participated in all the curricular activities like mock courts, dance competitions, and theatrics, along with several internships while managing my part-time remote writing gig! Who doesn’t need extra bucks in college?

And no, I didn’t miss many outings or trips with my friends and took every opportunity to do so The FOMO was real even then, you know.

With all of that, I landed just the job that I wanted!

The lost work-life balance: From dream-life to dread-life

In the final year of college, I landed my dream job! Being the overly enthusiastic and excited person I am, I barely took 2 to 3 days off after my final semester exams before I moved cities to join as an Associate in the General Corporate team. The work was good but the money was better! Life was as good as it gets.

What else could I have asked for? It was every law student’s dream.

As I continued to live my dream life, I completely lost myself in the cycle of moving from one deal closing to another. I witnessed my dream life turn into a complete nightmare as I failed to pause amidst the chaos.

Don’t get me wrong, I still delivered the work product on time and in pretty good quality, so I’m told. I’ve always been sincere with my work so it’s not something I could ever compromise on even then. I met some exceptional seniors including my mentors at this workplace who taught me the work ethic I will carry with me for the rest of my life and be forever grateful for. 

But I was constantly so tired that I dreaded waking up and going to work. 

If it wasn’t my workplace, then what was the problem?

Why work-life balance was impossible to achieve?

Achieving a work-life balance to improve my life felt impossible because of one big problem – me!  

I had no idea when to stop and say no and how to say it. I had the problem of what we call – fluid and porous boundaries. While trying to get more and more done and prove that I could do it all, that’s all I did – work. 

I barely slept, ate erratically, and had forgotten the feeling of finishing a great book or watching an exciting movie. Almost like a robot, I woke up in the morning, skipped breakfast, got ready and went to work where I also ate my lunch and dinner that I ordered every day, finally came home, talked to my folks and went to sleep.

When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, it was a wake-up call. I was back home with my family but stayed in my room working through the day and the night! If my mom hadn’t brought me my dinner to my room or my dad hadn’t refilled my water bottles, I swear to God I’d have starved.

I used to despise working and getting staffed on new matters. It made me anxious and took a toll on my mental health. 

But, I also missed being the person who loved to work and could completely pour herself into it! I missed being on top of everything on my desk and loving every second!

I missed being the person who was happy to take on extra work and enjoyed it. 

How did I learn that work-life balance was crucial?

One day, after a long call with a close friend, something clicked! I spoke to a few seniors and got in touch with a professional counsellor who could help. 

I spoke to my parents and friends, leveraging the length and breadth of my support system, and got to work because I was done. I was done being the person who wasn’t ‘me’ anymore. 

I was done being sorry for myself. I was done being a victim.

So, I got to work.

I consciously worked hard to learn more about myself, why it was so hard to say no and how to start doing it for about four to six months. 

I learned what saying no means

I learned that sometimes, saying ‘no’ means your performance will be even better at work, and your team will appreciate the honesty you bring to the table by updating them when you have more bandwidth to work when you do. Most importantly, you’ll be happier doing all the more.

I also learned how saying no benefited my attitude towards work. Having just a few hours of the day for some self-care helped me reconnect and rediscover my old self that I missed so much. 

I learned about healthy boundaries

• I learned to say no before it got too much to handle, preventing the worst from taking over. 
• I learned to check with my seniors about the deadlines so I didn’t unnecessarily spend all my nights and weekends working on the documents and killing myself to deliver way before the deadline.
• I learned the importance of communicating my concerns and finding viable solutions. When I discussed my concerns about my sleeping schedule, and to my surprise, the team listened! Something so small made a huge difference!
• I learned to talk to my team members and partners more freely about my bandwidth and explain what I could deliver in time and what I could not.
• I learned that it’s okay to take a few days off to give yourself a break and return refreshed to work.
• I learned to communicate better with my juniors to ensure I wasn’t encroaching on their boundaries by being clear about the work expectations and honest about the timelines.

I learned to stop feeling guilty 

Initially, when I needed space at work, I could barely get myself to ask for it and felt guilty for wanting to ask. I’m sure if you’ve been a pathological people-pleaser like me, you feel that way sometimes too.

That often happens when we find it hard to see value in our work. You’re important, you know!

If you’re unable to perform up to your full potential, then it is nobody’s guess that your job will suffer too!

How are you supposed to research well if your brain is not functioning? How are you supposed to write good drafts if you’re unable to think clearly? How will you give a good and ‘error-free’ document if you can barely focus on what you’re writing? 

I’ve been working for over six years. I’ve seen people who would come to the office by 10.00 a.m., stay the whole night in the office and go home the next day, only to come back in a few hours. How long do you think they could keep it up? Their work suffered and so did they!

So my mantra now is simple – I know I want to work well. I don’t like to settle for a sub-standard work product. And for that, I NEED to be well-rested at all times.

Not saying that occasional weekday hangouts or late nights don’t occur. They do! But I now know when I need to ask for help and I don’t feel guilty because I know that’s the only way to deliver a good work product.

I learned to prioritise myself and saw how it changed everything at work 

This one was pretty simple. 

Happy me = Focused me = Good work = Happy boss = Happy client = Profitable employer.

Irritated/Tired me = Work full of errors = Angry and overworked boss = Employer running into losses.

There are so many studies conducted to prove this. Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin linking them. But if you still don’t believe me, please check them out here, here, and here!

Need I say more?

How life changed once I achieved work-life balance

I started to love working (again!)

About six to eight months into making a conscious effort to balance work with life, I started enjoying my work again. Now, I jump to take up new assignments and love the challenge of finishing up a complicated task in less time. 

I finally feel like myself again! 

I like waking up in the mornings to work. I am excited to attend meetings and volunteer to contribute to the hectic days of the team. I enjoy using my brain to research difficult legal propositions to find suitable conclusions.

As cliched and nerdy as it sounds, I now once again lose myself in my work and serenade myself in it. 

I am happier at work

Because I was constantly exhausted, I was mostly irritated and in a bad mood at work. I used to be angry at myself for not catching a breath and resented everyone else who could. I used to be angry at myself and everyone around me.

Now, I am happier in the office. I have a more growth-oriented mindset and handle challenges and setbacks more positively.

My mindset changed to a growth-oriented mindset

This is not only a product of me working on my boundaries in the office but also consciously working on changing my approach to life in general. 

The change in mindset is so profound that it has helped every aspect of my life. So much so that I will validate all the psychological studies and the self-help books rave that positive thinking can change your life.

No, I don’t mean it’s a magic pill. It takes effort to notice when negative thoughts pull you down and go out for dinner or watch your comfort show with your comfort people even though you don’t feel like it. At all!

But these small things have made all the difference!

My attention span is so much better

I’m not kidding but I can sit and work for longer hours because I’m well rested and therefore, get tired easily while working.

I do more during the day

Because I like going to the office and working, I consciously cut out the distractions and focus on my work. 

My ability to manage my work is better and I now work systematically from one task to another.

As a result, I now work faster and better. My productivity has almost doubled! Since then, I cleared a competitive exam and got the job I worked hard for. Recently, I also cleared my Company Secretary exams.

I deliver better-quality work

Earlier, I would have to proofread my documents at least three to four times to ensure there were no errors. Once I got back into the grove

Interestingly, because I was refreshed getting back to work, I noticed that my proofing exercise was much quicker as I made fewer typos and silly errors. I am now hyper-focussed!

Professional accomplishments after achieving work-life balance

I had created quite an exceptional situation for myself by telling myself that this is just how the industry is. This is what everyone has to do to do well here. It’s a sacrifice you make for a few years to get better only to realise that I was being a fool. The responsibility will only increase with time!

I refused to believe that there was a remote chance that I could achieve a work-life balance in my job. I didn’t think I was that person.

A couple of months later, while staying at the job where I was doing pretty well and had my billables in order, I was also able to prepare for a competitive exam!

Guarantee that working from home during preparation time helped save the time I spent commuting to and from work. In addition to these two hours, I saved time by getting into a routine, ensuring that I finished my work on time and without any distractions. More than anyone else, I was surprised when all my billables looked good, and I also managed to crack the exam!

Then I also studied for my CS along with my full-time job. I sat for some of the exams while working at a law firm, an industry that I believed had no scope of granting me any work-life balance and remaining work at my current job which requires a minimum of 8 to 9 hours every day excluding the commute from office to home. 

Now I am working on my passion project – Keep up with Kaur!

All that you need to go to achieve work-life balance – takeaways

Set healthy boundaries  

Leave your work so you can come back refreshed and ready for it. Be specific with your boundaries and stick to them. If you can’t stand by them, then no one else will.

Please don’t confuse this with shirking work. Work is equally a part of your work-life balance! If you’re free, please ask how you can pitch in. It will also give you a lot of credibility when you are struggling to make time for more work.

Learn to say no without guilt 

You can’t do it all by yourself! It’s okay to ask for help and that’s exactly what you should do if you’re genuinely overworked.

Talk to your team

Stay in touch with your seniors and juniors. If you need more resources, please reach out and arrange for them. This has a direct correlation with better satisfaction at work and hence, increased productivity.

Each team member is probably going through what you’re feeling. If you talk and communicate your needs, they will make space for your comfort and cover for you, just as you do for them when they need it.

Plan your time and work

I cannot stress enough how important planning is to your work and your life. 

Wherever it is possible, delegate tasks and supervise their performance. 

If you know something important is coming up in the next couple of weeks, It would be prudent to inform your seniors, team and clients well in advance instead of dumping it on them at the last minute.

This way, you can take enough time to finish the current ongoing assignments and also give them adequate time to make alternative arrangements for the time you’ll be unavailable.

Take breaks and increase productivity 

While it is easy to underestimate the importance of taking breaks, there is scientific evidence to prove that it vastly increases productivity.

The brain uses the time to think and rethink subconsciously, and you solve problems faster when you return to them after your break.

No wonder people have developed so many productivity techniques based on taking scheduled breaks while working like the Pomodoro technique or the Italians just happened to live longer because they take pleasure and pride in doing nothing sometimes. 

Use tools like Sleep Mode or your phone and blue light filters to help with sleep quality, and team calendars to schedule block hours exclusively for work separately from the meetings.  Block social media notifications during your core work time and lose yourself in it.

Make alternative arrangements and handover

If possible, please make alternative arrangements for your clients or hand over the work to team members. 

To ensure a smooth handover, I usually prepare a list of all the pending matters, and their current status along with the details of the work to be done, and share it with my team. I also put the link to the path on which all of the documents of that matter are available, in this list.

Not only does it make the job of the person who has taken over 100 times easier but it also helps me because they don’t have to keep calling me for every small thing they have everything that they need right at their disposal.

Stay in touch with yourself

What is your favourite movie genre? Do you like playing video games? Which is your favourite author? Do you have a hobby like dancing or knitting? Anything that helps you relax and switch off for a while – incorporate it into your daily life and consciously make time for it.

Know when to upgrade

We spend more time in our offices than at our homes. This is why, going to your office every single day for the majority of your life shouldn’t be repulsive or unsettling.

If you’ve already done all of the above but nothing seems to be working, please don’t hesitate to look for a workplace that would be right for you. 

Now that you know what you need to perform well at work, it will help you to find something that would work for you in the long run. 

Final thoughts

If I can do it, ANYONE can. You can! 

Especially now that you know how I did it and how it has helped me in my work and personal life. Take it one day at a time.

Life is always a work in progress.

Start small. Do only one of the things I suggested today, and you can come back next week to see the second thing you can pick up from there.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below. Also, if you enjoyed reading this, please don’t forget to subscribe to our newsletter for a bi-monthly reminder to stay grounded in life and more personal growth stories!

Take a minute before you answer because this answer will tell you how you think about everything in your life, about your approach to dealing with problems in life—personal and professional—and maybe even how far you’ll be able to go in your professional and personal life. 

The answer to this question tells you what you bring to the table when presented with a problematic situation. 

What are the judger and learner mindsets?

A mindset is “a set of assumptions that help you distil complex worldviews into digestible information and then set expectations based on this input”. These belief systems in the form of assumptions help you set expectations, plan for the worst and guide decisions.”

Mindsets, therefore, become the basis of setting goals and expectations in life and over time, they show how your life turns out.

Personality traits and characteristics of the judger and learner mindsets

Dr Marilee Adams, who developed Judger and learner mindsets in her book ‘Change Your Questions, Change Your Life’ describes the personality traits of these mindsets.

Let’s understand it better.

How the mindsets play out in real life

Let me break it down a bit more and help you to identify your mindset status.

Imagine you’re at work, it’s 6.00 p.m. and you’re almost getting ready to leave and in comes your boss with a new assignment that needs to be completed. There’s too much work to be done in too little time. How do you respond? 

Do you get mad at her for bringing it up as you were about to leave or do you gather the team and split tasks so you can divide and rule?

Your partner was supposed to pick up your kid from school but she got stuck in a meeting. You’re also quite far away from the school right now and the kid is going to have to wait an hour to be picked up. How do you respond? 

Do you lose your temper at your partner for poor planning? Or do you pick up the phone to call a trusted friend or a family member to do the needful? Worst case scenario, you speak to the teacher/attendant to ensure that the kid isn’t alone.

If you bring anger, defensiveness or a critical approach to the table, you have a judger mindset. 

On the other hand, if you’re open to exploring possible solutions and genuinely have a positive attitude while solving a problem believing that possible viable solutions exist, you, my friend, have a learner mindset.

But ‘why’ are we constantly talking about the mindset so much, you’re probably asking right now. 

What makes mindset so important?

Why on Earth is everyone talking about mindset so much? 

Power of your mindset

I’m sure you’ve either read a self-help book or recommended one that talks about the power of your mind, asking the universe for all the good things and believing you’ll get them, having a positive mindset, the power of positive thinking, manifesting your dream life, and vision boards. 

Have you ever wondered why it’s so often and highly recommended, and by so many practical and pragmatic people? 

Mindset builds perception

Science, my friends, has shown that mindset is what shapes how you perceive everything around you.

Since perception plays a huge part in how you react and respond to your environment, it influences how you feel about things, how you deal with problems and setbacks, how motivated you are to deal with them, influences the factors you consider when making any decisions, impacts overall mental health and thus, how you work towards your success in life. 

This is why two people with different perceptions may experience and react to the same situations in a very different way.

Healthy mindsets translate to better cognitive abilities

If you already believe everything I’ve said about the mindset up until now, you can skip the next few paragraphs but if you don’t, this is for you – 

• A study based on data collected from over 2500 students in China showed that adolescents with a growth mindset suffered significantly less due to mental health issues and stress due to life events than those who didn’t. 
• They are also less prone to mental health problems including anxiety and depression than the others.
• Studies have also shown that people with a growth and learner mindset recover from setbacks faster, are more motivated than others, have more resilience to tackle problems, are generally less stressed and anxious,  perform better in academics, are curious to learn more, embrace challenges and take constructive criticism well.
• All this owing to the growth and learning-oriented belief system that if they work harder and smarter, they can learn what they need to tackle the challenges better. 

People with healthy mindsets are more likely to succeed

It makes sense right, if you believe you can do better, and achieve everything you want to, then you’ll work towards it. 

But if you don’t, i.e., you have a fixed mindset, then you’re fixated on the idea that no matter what you do, you won’t get any results and won’t even consider trying because you truly believe it’ll be a waste of your time. 

With a fixed mindset, you set yourself up for failure even before you try. 

Don’t think you need any more convincing than that, do you? 

Yeah, I thought so. Let’s move on to the next section.

Moving away from the default setting towards growth

Interestingly, most of us are more accustomed and auto-tuned to function with more of a judger mindset than the learner mindset. 

Instead of asking exactly how many of us will it take to complete the work on time, we often ask, why the boss always remembers things at the last minute just when you’re getting ready to pack up – even without thinking about it.

And if you’re the boss with a judger mindset, you don’t sit with the team and contribute to the complete tasks. Instead, you ask why the team members aren’t done with the tasks yet and who is to blame for the delay. You rush to be the judge of others instead of having a mindset open to growth.

This is not me attacking your ability to be a good employee or an admirable boss. 

As I said, a judger is just our default setting most of the time. It’s up to you and me to train ourselves to change it to the learner-growth Mindset. 

How to shift from Judger to Learner

Become aware and observe

We’ve talked about this enough on the blog. But let me repeat it for your benefit – unless you acknowledge the problem and know how big it is you cannot get around to solving it. 

Make a conscious effort to notice how you respond to your colleagues and your partner each time you have to deal with a complicated situation. You have enough material in this article to take notes to help you identify how deep in this you are and how much work will it need.

Self-awareness questions to ask yourself each day

At the end of the day, ask yourself –

• How did I respond today?
• Do I respond this way often? 
• If so, is there a different underlying issue that needs my attention?
• Was there anything that made me anxious or irritable?
• What am I assuming about that situation?
• What are the facts I know?
• What do I need to know more?

Consciously question yourself

Dr Marilee Adams, in her book ‘Change Your Questions, Change Your Life’, states that we’re often juggling between judger and learner mindsets while the majority of the working space is occupied by the former.

Since the judger mindset is the automatic belief system we resort to, it is generally hard to switch to a learner or growth mindset. You’ll simply forget to check in; so, I highly suggest figuring out ways to remind yourself intermittently. 

Set up reminders around you

For me, it works to have a piece of art or furniture at my work desk to remind me to stay on track. Sometimes, it also helps to set my goal as my wallpaper or phone password so I can be reminded of it repeatedly.

Arrange for similar reminders around yourself in the space where you spend the maximum amount of your time. 

Then each time you catch yourself being close-minded, become aware of your current state of mind, acknowledge that and open yourself up to new possibilities and alternatives.

Adopt question-thinking

Instead of reacting based on limited facts and assumptions, you need to learn how to respond after gathering all the relevant information. 

The kind of information you need will depend on how deep in a judger mindset you are and the problem at hand. Once you have this information, you can start framing the right kind of questions to help you get the right kind of information – about yourself, your surroundings including others, and the problems.

Ask the right questions

Only the right kind of questions will get you the right answers. Before you ask a question, consciously consider what information will lead you to the solution. 

Very carefully, craft the goals of the questions and then frame the questions you need to ask. Since you’re looking to solve the problem and not someone to blame, this exercise will help you shift to a growth-oriented mindset more fluidly.

Here are some examples of the right kind of questions to ditch the judger mindset, to stop reacting and start responding.

Questions about yourself

• How can I contribute to problem-solving?
• I am irritated right now, do I need a few minutes off? You’ll be surprised to know what some time off can do for you!
• If I react angrily right now, how will that impact the situation and the others who are helping solve the problem? 
• Do I need some more information about the situation before I jump to the conclusion since I just learned about it 30 seconds ago?

Questions about surroundings and others

• Is this a good time and right place to ask questions?
• Can we discuss xyz matter? This is my understanding but you’ve drawn a different conclusion, is there anything I’m missing? 
• How will others respond to the suggestions?

Questions about the problems

• Have I understood it correctly?
• How are others thinking about it? 
• What are the solutions everyone else is thinking of?
• What are the facts and what are the assumptions?

Using the choice map

Dr Marilee Adams offers a great solution to shift mindsets in her book. She uses the choice map to explain that we can choose how to respond in each moment. 

I highly suggest that you take a quick print and stick it on your workspace.

Listen more talk less

At the very root of question thinking is your ability to listen. When you keep talking, you don’t give others a chance to speak. How are you supposed to be open-minded when you refuse to give others a chance to open up to you?

This study conducted by Harvard found that listening to people talk is more effective in helping them change as compared to offering feedback.

Also, notice that we’re not talking about hearing the other person – perceiving some jibber-jabber sound is just not enough. 

We’re talking about listening. Pay attention to the other person, understand what they’re saying, make sense of it, and ask follow-up questions where you have doubts and you’ll be surprised to know that you’re not the only genius in the room! 😉

Judge and be judged or learn and help learn

If you’re in a leadership position, then here is an experiment for you.

When you have an assignment to deliver to a new client and someone makes a mistake notice how your team responds:

• when you scream and look for the person to blame 

vs.

• when you give everyone a pep talk, have a healthy conversation about how you can avoid such mistakes.

In the former situation, your team will also get annoyed at you for screaming, your stress will stress them out making more room for mistakes in future projects and on top of that, they will be judging their manager (I mean, you) for not doing her job properly either.

On the other hand, in the latter situation, you’ll notice that your team members will have the chance to self-reflect, will become more open to your feedback and learn to incorporate it into their work going forward. You’ll also spend more time coaching and mentoring your employees which will in turn translate into better results for the team and organisation.

Personally, as an employee, the latter motivates me to work harder and be more in touch with the rest of the team as well. 

What a world – you get to choose which one are you going to be. So what will you be?

Are you going to be the judger handing out ‘Guilty’ certificates? or Are you going to be the Learner who is going to get the whole team to succeed?

Leave us a comment below and tell us if you liked reading this article.

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Is social media the first thing you check as soon as you wake up in the morning? How many times do you check your phone to see if you’ve got any notifications without your phone pinging you for notifications? And now you want another app or plugin to break the cycle – ha!

If you think you’re not addicted to your phone at all, let’s see what your average screen time has been for the past 30 days.  

Most people across the globe spend about an average of 6 hours and 40 minutes of their waking time on screens. But even if you’re spending less time than most people, I’m sure it is nowhere near the healthy average (discussed below)! 

Let’s talk about why social media is horrible and why it could be the most useful thing in the world for you! 

Social Media is the Devil

As harmless as it seems, please read on!

It changes the structure of your brain

Well, for starters, if you don’t know how to make the most of if and when to stop (let’s call this problematic mobile phone usage), it can result in structural changes in the brain. So these people tested around 48 subjects, all aged between 18 and 30 years and found that problematic mobile phone usage can hamper cognitive performance. 

This means it makes you slower in reacting to the signals received from the environment. You will take longer than everyone else to start running in a race when someone blows the start whistle.

You may also have trouble with memory, processing new information and paying attention to tasks at hand. 

It doesn’t let you sleep

This is probably not new to a lot of you. But your body releases melatonin when it’s night-time and signals you to go to sleep. If you’re mindlessly scrolling on Instagram or YouTube, it’s going to take you longer to be able to fall asleep. You sleep late, you wake up tired, your productivity suffers and if you’re anything like me, you’re also likely to be irritable.

It fosters other addictions

You and I know how the algorithm works. They study our behaviour, search history, how much time we’re spending on websites, and what topics interest us the most so much that I swear to God sometimes I feel that Meta and Google are both listening to me. They are rich because you and I spend so much time on these apps. Now because they need us to be constantly on those apps, they will notice what you like to see and watch the most and keep you hooked!

If only you searched for some fashion advice or searched for a product, you’re only going to be seeing those ads everywhere! And like me, if you have trouble with shopping too much, this is a huge problem! 

If you searched for shows on Netflix and are struggling to cut down on Netflix usage, good luck to you! You’ll get so many ads and posts with recommendations of Netflix shows that you’ll be stuck trying.

It traps you in the FOMO game

Are people always going to fancy restaurants, going on luxury vacations, attending or having lavish weddings? Where does it end? Everyone else seems to be living their best lives at all times. The Fear of Missing Out is real! And it’s real for everybody. 

It doesn’t matter how old you are or what your gender is. All of us are affected by it just the same. While all of the superficial aspects of their life are on display for the world to see, none of us is privy to the reality of having a normal life full of ups and downs. 

So much so that you barely even know what part of their life is real and what part is a show put on for them. The FOMO and the constant disappointment sets the perfect ground for low self-esteem and feelings of anxiety and inadequacy.

This is not all just talk for the sake of writing the downsides. This is the reality of life for a tonne of people. Back in 2012, a study showed that heavy users of Facebook were more likely to believe that others were happier and in general, more successful than them. Not only did they feel discontented and inadequate, this led them to make major life decisions based on such feelings.

It alters the reward system of your brain

Wonder what your body will do with so much dopamine that it gets from watching short and sweet reels, having instant access to people, and being able to shop in an instant. Of course, it’s going to mess with how the reward system of your brain works.

This is just how your brain reacts when you’re gambling or taking drugs – hence, the instant gratification and the addiction to it. Who can imagine watching a movie that is three hours long!!!

We just don’t have the patience for it anymore.

It won’t let you do anything else

Have you noticed that if you open the YouTube App on your phone, it directly starts playing the shorts? Also, if you searched for something specific and want to see reels about it, YouTube will show you about five reels relevant to your search and then switch to reels that would just keep you watching!

In the process, we keep scrolling while the to-do list gets longer, the sleep gets compromised and the work just never gets done.

This is not enough. Using social media also affects the eyes, body posture, and activity levels – making you unhealthy and tired in general. And if this also not enough, 

Why I think Social Media is (or should I say could be) more of a boon than a bane

Social media has honestly been great. We could never have imagined discussions at such a large scale before we started using social media. 

The world connects over the real issues

Did you know that the phrase “me-too” was coined back in 2006? But when it was posted by just a few people on social media in 2017, it took only 24 hours for 12 million posts on Facebook and over 1 million tweets on ‘X’ to be posted by people all over the world. It’s quick and the whole world can stay instantly connected.

Helps you get your work done

A few years ago, if you had an issue with any kind of service provider, you would have to be on a call with a customer for hours on end and beg them to resolve your issues for you, follow up again and again and still be unsure whether they’ll do something about it. Today, you can tag the company on ‘X’ or ‘LinkedIn’ and let them lose their heads to reach out to you at a time that works for you and provides the best solution available to you.

Better mental health and a better life

And the most important of them all, you don’t need to be physically present anymore to make personal connections. A study has even shown that regulated amounts and conscious usage of social media have a lot of positive effects too. Yes, you read that right! 

This recent study shows that depending on how much and how you use it, it can assist with better social well-being because it helps you to stay connected even when it’s difficult. While there is more research to be done on this, I can see why they got that result. It’s nice to go on Instagram and read the positive affirmations that some of my friends share with me, laugh at the cringe-worthy memes, or connect over our bad shopping habits.

So it would be very wrong to say that it’s all bad news. But how do we make sure that we only get the good things from this ‘boon’ and get rid of all the ‘bane’?

The key is to learn how to use it to get all of these benefits – regulating how you use it and how much.

Regulating how you use Social Media and how much:

Let’s start by thinking about what would you do if you didn’t have your phone on you for 30 minutes a day. Just 30 minutes a day and when you’re in the loo. 

Simple rules for how to use social media

Content consumption audit

Let’s keep this simple and go straight to the root of this. What kind of content are you watching and how are you generally feeling when you watch that content? What is that constantly distracting you from your work?

If the content is positive and you’re using social media to connect with people, it should not leave you drained out mentally. It should leave you with a positive outlook, motivate you to do better and allow you to connect with others – without making you feel lonely.

Any form of content that doesn’t make you feel this way, you need to cut it out. The rule is straightforward – if it doesn’t make you feel happy and content, it’s just not worth having in your life.

Look at it this way – If you eat junk for too long, your body will give up. In the same way, if you feed shit content to your brain, it will in turn, churn shit thoughts for you.

Watching reels about some celebrities’ personal lives will get you nowhere. On the other hand, watching reels about how to make a budget from a reliable and qualified content creator will shift the focus in your life to better things in life.

Change your perspective

You can see someone on a holiday with their friends and feel happy for them, send some good wishes and partake in their happiness by vicariously being on vacation or you can feel horrible about you sitting in the office while they’re on vacation.

You could see a post about someone who is extremely successful at a very young age and has managed to buy a bigger house and a better car. You can either go on to compare her with yourself to feel jealous and horrible about yourself or you can start learning about what got them where they are today. 

I recently read this on a LinkedIn post by a very successful content creator who learned how to monitor the usage of her social media by learning how successful people got where they are. It makes total sense! 

Consume content that fosters gratitude and connection

Watch out for the posts on social media that remind you that you’re a part of a larger community. 

You can connect with communities that strike a chord with you and help you grow personally and professionally, school and college friends, and people who enjoy reading similar books as you do. 

Put yourself out there – reach out to people, get to know them and learn from their life experiences. There is so much to do out there. 

How much social media usage is healthy to use?

This is subjective and not set in stone. There can’t be a one-size-fits-all for this and this is not the law. However, the experts say that anything more than a total of two hours of social media usage per day is too much for you and me. 

Which is kind of fair, isn’t it? What will you do on social media for longer than two hours? This time is enough for you to absorb all of the good aspects of social media we talked about. So anything more than that – let’s try to cut it out!

Apps and Plugins to Break the Addiction

You need apps that do all of the following things:

Limit screen time

First and foremost, download an app to limit your screen time. Even if you ignore the timer and continue to scroll, at least you’re reminded that you’ve been using certain apps for longer than you should be. It’ll allow you to refocus your energies elsewhere. Iphones have a built-in setting for fixing screen time so you can always try that.

Personally, this is one of the ways I use to limit my screen time. There are days when I just hit ignore crossed daily limit for the day but over time, I find myself trying to access the apps less and less.

Make it harder to use social media apps 

This might take you a while to do if you’re addicted but no harm in trying. Because social media is super easy to access at all times – it only takes a second, it makes your brain addicted to the instant results it gets for you. 

So make it harder for yourself to open social media apps. I’ve deleted some of the apps that I hate but can’t stay away from. So, I started using them by accessing the websites through a browser. It’s less fun and sort of inconvenient, so I don’t end up staying on social media websites a lot.

Another suggestion is to use an app like the ‘one-sec’ app. It delays the app opening time for you

You could also add a lock on the browser so it adds another step to the process of checking your phone.

Think about why you’re using the app

You can also try the ‘screenZen’ app for this. It makes you wait 15 seconds to access the app. These 15 seconds are going to be extremely crucial and give you time to rethink using the app. Between these seconds, the app asks you if what you’re doing is important and then unlocks the app after a few seconds – Works like a charm!

Leave your phone elsewhere

Out of sight = out of mind! Simple rule. Start with one hour at a time. Soon, believe me, you’ll have forgotten that you don’t have your phone on you at all! 

At the very least, switch off the notifications and check the apps only when you reach out to them.

Find something else to do 

Why do you think you keep reaching out for your phone all the time? Most of the time it’s simply out of habit because it’s so easy to do. If you’ve reached here and read the whole article, you know what overusing the phone does to people. So learn to fill your time with other things that you actually like doing, which might be useful for you in the long run.

The bottom line is – to use social media consciously to your advantage rather than waiting for it to happen to you! You’ll be good.

Leaving the office even at 8.00 p.m. (yes, that late) is considered a half-day. Saying no to being overworked is seen as a sign of laziness. Not carrying your laptop along on your vacation is applauded. What will we know and appreciate about the art of doing nothing?

With smartphones making it possible to do practically all kinds of work anywhere you go, we’ve forgotten what it’s like to live in the moment and enjoy life’s little pleasures.

Can you ignore the Outlook notification when you’re sitting at a restaurant for dinner? Or are you thinking about how many likes your dinner post is going to get when you upload it on Instagram? It’s just so hard to switch off!

Understanding Dolce Far Niente

On the other hand, the Italians live by ‘Dolce far niente’, which means ‘the pleasantness of doing nothing’. While we can’t even sit in the loo without our phones, the Italians have a word for ‘doing nothing’ – not having an agenda, taking a break to appreciate the small things in life like smelling the roses, relishing the food you’re eating, taking a nap and living in the present moment without feeling an iota of guilt.

The concept is engrained and taught by families to their kids from pretty early on in their culture to train them to become adults to can consciously cut off to refresh and rejuvenate between work.

The happiest people in the world do nothing

When Gianni Pes and Michel Poulain studied the blue zone Sardinia in Italy, they chalked out some pretty interesting characteristics. One of them was ‘living a relaxed work-life’, ‘taking time out for the things that truly mattered’, and ‘being present in the moment’.

Later on, when Dan Buettner studied some other blue zones around the world, he noticed similar characteristics. 

In these areas, people didn’t take pride in working late in the office at the expense of one’s health.

Rather, they took pride in being able to take the evenings off to come home and spend time with their families, doing the things they enjoyed doing like reading a book, watching a movie, playing games with their friends and family, and cooking and eating fresh food.

This isn’t just the reading from the internet. I confirmed this with someone I know who works in Italy.

She’s also a lawyer but unlike us, she was encouraged to not rush into work early and not applauded for working late. Instead, she got to go home and have a big freshly made lunch and come back to work after an afternoon siesta. Can you believe it? She was encouraged to go home and sleep for a while before coming back to work! I can barely wrap my head around this.

It turns out, it’s not just the Italians, the Dutch also have a word for it. It’s called ‘​​Nikeson’. Mind you, the Dutch have consistently claimed the position of being the happiest people in the world. Wonder what makes them such happy people?

Olga Mecking, who was born in Poland and grew up in Germany lived in the Netherlands for 14 years. According to her, the reason for the true happiness of the Dutch is Nikeson. Their lives are less about their work and more about them and their communities. 

The reality check

A couple of years ago, I joined one of the big law firms right out of college. I was super excited to be there, after all, it was my dream job. The reason why I worked my ass off in college. It was 4.30 p.m. on a Monday in the office when the boss called all the juniors in a conference room.

Well, the boss seemed to be in a pretty decent mood after the closing of a big transaction when he came to the office in the morning. So the eight of us sitting around one of those long conference room tables were pretty hopeful about the motivating pep talk we were going to be getting that day. And ‘pep talk’ it was! 

He started by narrating all the stories about how committed he has been to his work and all about what got him where he is today – marking up documents and conference calls all through the night and vacations with friends and family.

He worked when he was out with his wife for a date night, he worked when he was on a vacation in Maldives while his wife and kids toured the place. He worked on his HONEYMOON! What would he know about Dolce Far Niente? How would he ever embrace the art of doing nothing and sitting still?

Let me just step in here and tell you all that no, he isn’t a doctor or a nurse or in any profession where he is saving lives, taking care of the poor or the displaced or feeding people food.

He is a lawyer and no, not the kind that has anything to do with saving people’s homes, or standing up for the rights of the underprivileged. I’m not underplaying some peoples’ dire situations that leave them no option but to work like they do to feed mouths and be the breadwinners. But he wasn’t in that situation at all!

You know what the weird part is, he was so proud of it. He was truly trying to set an example for all of us. This was one hell of a pep talk. What a reality check about what the next 20 years of our lives were going to look like if we wanted to make it to where he had reached!

The ‘pep talk’ from the boss instantly resulted in five out of the eight people unconsciously planning an exit with our too busy to do anything else in life flashing right in front of us. We spent back-to-back nights at the office. Would you believe that we had a sleeping room at the office because of how often this happened? Doing nothing was a foreign concept! (pun intended)

When was I going to go on my vacation? When was I to read the book that I had been planning to read? When was I going to read the news? When was I going to do nothing when the people around me flaunted exhaustion?! 

Unsurprisingly, people around me looked constantly tired, suffered from backaches and headaches, ordered all their food that was eaten at random times of the day and night, and had no sleep routines. Even if you’re not working, when was the last time you went to the loo without your phone? When was the last time that you got so immersed in living in the moment that you forgot to check your notifications? 

How can Dolce Far Niente help you?

Remembering who you are and why you’re here

The journalist Gebke Verhoeven writes “We cram our free time so that we don’t have a minute left to just do nothing. Is that bad? Yes, that’s bad. You don’t give your brain space and time to process information and feel what you need. In short, you lose yourself a bit. High time to elevate idleness to art.” 

We’re so constantly focused on working and filling up our time that we lose track of everything that is happening around us.

We don’t have to the time do something as basic as feeding ourselves clean and healthy food or planning a date night without having the sword of work on our heads. We lose track of what’s happening around us, where our friends and families are and what can we even do about it when we can barely keep track of our own lives.

We’re so lost and addicted to the life of occupying all of our time with work or meaningless scrolling that we have forgotten what it is like to be in a space that lets us process everything around us and do what we like to do.

So much so, that it becomes almost comfortable to be in a mental space where we’re too tired to deal with everything around and check where in life we really are and consciously steer the course of our lives in the way that we want to live it. 

I’m talking about the small things in life like making your favourite meal, going to a bookstore, going shopping with a friend, planning a movie night with your partner and thinking about all the things that make life worth living!

Improved emotional regulation

It doesn’t matter whether you’re consciously or unconsciously avoiding your environment by constantly doing something or the other. The result is that your brain doesn’t get the time that it needs to process any experiences or emotions because you’re constantly pushing them back for something else. 

Giving your system the time that it needs to register everything around you allows you to understand and respond to your environment more effectively. Studies have shown that the longer the sleep, the better the positive emotions and ability to deal with emotional reasoning and behavioural response. Better quality of work and home life.

Productivity and work

Imagine if you were to eat constantly without a break for two days straight. What would happen to your digestive system? How do you think your body is going to react? Yes, Sherlock – it’s going to go all up in arms and if you conveniently ignore those alarms, it will start giving you shocks in the form of illnesses and diseases. 

It’s the same with your brain. Research conducted by E&Y shows that the employees’ performance improved by 8% per 10 hours of vacation they took from work. ‘Doing nothing’ actually adds to the productivity. If you overburden it, it’s going to give up.

But if you were to allow it to process the information and stimulus that it picks up from around, it will reward you by allowing you to get more done in less time, allowing you to be more creative and make fewer mistakes at home and work. 

Evidence from blue zones: Happy and long lives worth living

All the evidence from the blue zones just like Italy where people around the world are happiest and live the longest and most fulfilling lives shows that they’re not spending all their time working or on Instagram while avoiding sleep and life around them.

They live their lives by prioritising themselves more than anything else. They take the time to do small things like gardening, reading, playing games, and taking afternoon naps. 

And you should be doing the same. Start small, switch off the internet for 15 minutes. Then increase gradually to two hours and then to four.

I get it, it doesn’t come so naturally to all of us. And that’s fine. I also overstretch myself more than I’d like. It takes effort to remind myself to slow down – even on a weekend. I swear it helps to clear the mind and come back to work and all the things I want to get done with a refreshed mind. So let’s all learn to take conscious steps to plan how to use our time rather than letting it happen to us.

Practical tips for inculcating Dolce Far Niente in your daily lives

Learn to take breaks and schedule mandatory downtimes

Often, in the flow of work, we forget to give our brains a break even though there are tons of techniques showing us how breaks can improve the quality of our work product. So schedule your breaks and set alarms if you need to do that.

Find joy in small things

The idea is to find joy in small things. Money and things are important of course, but it’ll never be enough if that is what you will need to be happy. There will always be a new iPhone in the market or a new brand that you would want to try.

That’s how the rich make their money – through consumerism. If you’re in the right headspace and with the right people around, you’ll have fun even in the shittiest of the places. So focus on finding that headspace and those people!

Instead of focusing on how many times you almost lost your shit, think about how many times you smiled today.

Live in the present moment

Yeah, well, the past happened and it may have been super shitty but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. No matter how hard you try, it’s always going to stay the same. So accept that you can’t change the past and that you always can’t control the circumstances.

The thing about negative emotions and feelings is that you only harm yourself. The world will and continues to go on – whether you’re happy, sad, angry, or jealous.

No matter what the circumstances and the external scenario, you can be happy (as cliched as it sounds) only if internally you decide to make the most of what you have! Get your life in order and start living today.

Don’t sit in shit

I get it, we can’t change all the circumstances that we’d maybe like to. But some of them we definitely can. If you’re around toxic people, distance yourself from them. If you’re stuck in a horrible workspace, update your CV and apply elsewhere.

If you’re not happy with the food, learn how to cook better. Make it happen because you CAN and because it won’t get better on its own no matter how hard you try.

Make time for your people

Some people have been there for you in your most desperate times and this is your cue to make time for those people. If, for some reason, you’re not able to get in touch with them, be there for others who you’d like to be there for in their desperate times to form meaningful connections. These things don’t happen on their own especially as we grow older and get busy with our lives.

Make a conscious effort to reach out to the people you care about and who care about you.

When you read this post today, skip that work thing and take a nap! Do it when you wake up. I promise the world won’t end when you wake up! Once you wake up and realise that the world is just as you left it, make it a ritual! Do it every week. No, do it every day! And don’t forget to tell me about it later.

Live a better life and don’t wait for it to just pass you by.

All of this is on our heads but we also don’t want to miss out on the new episode of House of Dragons releasing during the week, watch the new blockbuster movie, and read the next bestseller. At least I don’t want to miss out on all of this.

If only, you could find a way to declutter everything around you and were to consciously drive your life! You’re welcome. 🙂

What does decluttering entail?

Decluttering is about cleaning up the space around you and within you so can see everything clearly without having to deal with the mess. It is not just about clearing the laundry pile and cleaning the dishes. It affects every part of your life. I can hardly get myself to churn out half a paragraph till I get that pile of clothes lying around on my table.

I HAVE to declutter everything before I can get to work. Once I have gone through my decluttering checklist, I can work with a clear head and produce my best results. If I can do it, anyone can!

In fact, what if I told you that you could get all of it done and some more? And all of it during the 24 hours of the day that you have currently. So take this seriously. Don’t just skim through but read and take notes of all you need to do to bring your best version forward.

Let’s get started with the decluttering

it’s understandable for you to be overwhelmed. But I suggest that you still start reading the article – go over the list one by one. All you have to do is take note of the headings written below, read the description and figure out how you can fit the things in your life under the heads. Once you have that list ready, it will be much easier to follow through all of it in time and achieve the decluttered life you’re aiming for.

Once you have this ready, you’ll have a decluttering checklist ready!

1. Declutter your space at home and work

Benefits:

• It will help you sort all of the important stuff from the mess and help you focus on that. You can’t do it all at once, so knowing what to do is critical.
• It will help you improve your focus, and increase productivity, creativity and motivation (Isn’t this all the reason enough already?).
• Decluttering reduces anxiety and improves mental clarity. Declutter the space = declutter the mind = you focus on everything better and get better results.

How to go about it:

• Start from the space where you spend the maximum time and then go on to clearing the space where you work out of.
• If the first space was not your bedroom, that is the second place you should be clearing up. Throw out all of the unnecessary wasteful stuff that hasn’t been touched in months. Then one by one, branch out to all other the spaces around you.
• Don’t do this all in one go, you will get overwhelmed and burn out.
• To avoid that, make a list of all the places that need decluttering and take them off your list one by one.
• I also highly recommend the Pomodoro Technique to get maximum work done in the least time and with the least amount of stress.

2. Plan your finances

Benefits:

• Have you heard of the theory of Maslow’s need hierarchy? It is something I read about in my Business Studies Classes in class XII and has stuck with me since. It says that you can only focus on higher physiological needs if your basic needs are fulfilled adequately. This makes total sense! Till I am not sure of where my next meal is coming from, how am I expected to think about feeling fulfilled in life?
• So, get to work. Start by making a budget. Figure out how much money you have and how to make it work for yourself.
• Build an emergency fund. Get insurance.

How to go about it:

• One of my favourite resources that breaks it down very well for me is Finshots. You can check out their articles here. 
• You can also use the free Excel template by Finshots to plan your finances for the month. 
• This planning and getting on track is going to time so don’t get worked up. But start now!

Once you have control over your money, your mind will be at peace as far as your basic needs are concerned. You can then focus on making your life fuller and happier in other ways discussed in the rest of the article here.

3. Do something meaningful with your time

Benefits:

• Doing meaningful things with your time helps alleviate and reduce stress.
• It will help you feel more connected and present in your life and will help you get a sense of purpose and feel more fulfilled in life.
• Get a sense of purpose by doing things that add value to your life and the lives of others around you.

How to go about it:

• Read something new – read some poetry, a new bestseller book that everyone is reading. Maybe join your local book club! Instagram is a great place to find those.
• Go out of your comfort zone – go for a walking tour and get to know your city, meet some new people, and finally go for that get-together with your office people. Who knows, you’ll surprise yourself!
• Learn a new skill like cooking, driving, sculpting, painting, or carpentry. It’s therapeutic, I swear.
• Plan your day and life – Don’t just go about your day at work. Start it by setting an intention and live each day consciously. This doesn’t have to take too much time – You can simply do it on your way to work if, like me, you’re also always running late.
• Help someone (but DON’T forget your boundaries doing that, we now know better!)
• Take care of a furry friend – If petting a dog can give you happiness, imagine what taking full-time care can do. Sure, it’s a lot of work but can you believe that studies can extend your life?

4. Set goals long-term and short-term

Benefits:

• It will help you find your PURPOSE. I know it sounds like a big cliched thing but it’s true. If you’re driving around aimlessly, you will at some point get tired of it and feel lost.
• It will keep you on the right track and get you the life you want to get to.
• It will also help you put things into perspective about how to get where you want to be. Only if you know you want to get to the U.S., will you be able to find the way to get there.

How to go about it:

• Please don’t do this in your head. Think about where you want to be in the next year and five years.
• Don’t be vague. Be descriptive and put numbers and goals in detail. Also, mention the timelines within which you want to achieve your goals. All of this will translate your thoughts into reality.
• Once you know what the final picture is going to look like, split these goals into smaller milestones and also make those milestones measurable and time-trackable. This will make you more accountable for achieving your own goals and help you get into the nitty-gritty of getting where you want to be.

5. Don’t live beyond your means 

Benefits: 

• You will get peace of mind when you have adequate money for your needs even during the last week of the month. 
• You can plan for your short-term and long-term financial goals and maybe travel around. 

How to go about it:

• You can put your money in lock-in for a while so you don’t have access to it. Don’t do this with your emergency funds. Save that for emergencies. 
• You can also try the envelope method where you put cash into different pockets – each for a different expense purpose.
• Do most of your shopping on big sales! I always stock up on necessities like toiletries and tissue paper at big discounts.
• Don’t be scared to cut corners where you can. If you’re able to make small savings, you should be proud of yourself!

6. Make time for the things you’ve been wanting to do for ages

Benefits: 

• Be conscious of how much time you spend on things that don’t benefit you in the long run. I feel personally attacked even while writing this! 
• You’ll suddenly see that you DO have time for everything that you have been wanting to do. All you needed to do was plan and execute well.
• You’ll be able to make time for the things you want to make time for and getting those done will give you a great sense of fulfillment.

How to go about it:

• Reflect and note down how you spent the last two days. Don’t forget to look at your phone for the statistics on your screen time. See which apps you’re spending the most time on.
• Is it Kindle where you’re reading ‘How to Think and Grow Rich’ or are you mindlessly scrolling through Instagram reels or Youtube shorts about things that won’t add any value to your time?
• Set screen timers and reminders to nudge yourself in the right direction when you go astray. Keep it simple and do more of what matters to you.
• Spend your time on tasks like planning your finances, learning a new skill, reading a new book, and learning how to work on yourself in the long run. Or simply, just go plan that dinner with your friend you’ve been meaning to do for such a long time now. Make time for it by using our hacks to draw yourself a productivity cheat sheet.

7. Strengthen and reconnect with your support system

Benefits: 

• Going through life alone is not easy. There is no reason to do it to yourself. You would not believe that having a poor support system has been linked to higher chances of alcoholism, depression and suicide.
• It’s not just about feeling less lonely. A good support system will overall benefit your well-being in ways you can’t think of.
• If your basic needs of being loved and wanted are met, you’ll generally feel more secure as a person, perform better at your workplace, and make healthier relationships with the people surrounding you.

How to go about it:

• Stop avoiding social gatherings and make a real effort to show up. Engage with people around you and I swear life will be instantly better!
• Don’t keep pushing that Sunday brunch with your best friend simply because you got lazy. Pick up the phone and make plans yourself. Do the things that you both will enjoy.
• Reconnect with your old friends. Even if you haven’t spoken to them in a while, with them, you’ll just pick up right where you left off.
• Tell these old friends and family how you feel about the distance and make an effort to reconnect and recharge.
• Recount the people who you can always count on and ask them how they’ve been doing recently. If you’re counting on them, they’re probably counting on you too just as much.

8. Actively take care of yourself

Benefits:

• You may feel guilty about it at first but as you do more of it, you’ll realise how much it helps not only you but also everyone else around by. You’ll feel much more like yourself.
• You’ll stop resenting other things and people that constantly keep you occupied.
• You’ll be able to stay present in the moments for yourself and for others around you at work and home.
• Being more present means you’re able to give much more of yourself to people around you while making sure that you don’t empty your vessel. (VERY IMPORTANT)

How to go about it:

• It’s very easy to get lost in day-to-day life and forget what kept you going in the first place. This is why, it’s important to create a space for yourself where you can take a mental break from everything and everyone that you’re responsible for.
• What is it that you always liked doing when you were a kid? Was it singing and dancing? Reading books and watching movies? Special outings around nature?
• As a rule, make time for all of those things in your life and stay connected with yourself. Don’t compromise on your core needs for anything or anyone in your life. If that person truly cares about you, they will be elated to see you at peace and happy.
• So, go ahead and indulge yourself.

9. Don’t take a shit and don’t give a shit

Benefits:

• You’ll harbour less anger against people for giving you shit if you just stop taking it.
• You’ll be happier with yourself and have healthier relationships by blocking all the negativity out of your life – putting it exactly where it needs to be.
• Be more at peace and mentally lighter by training yourself to not give a shit and take any shit. 

How to go about it:

• Don’t give a shit about what others think of you and your actions as long as you know you’re doing the right thing.
• Learn to draw healthy boundaries for yourself.
• If you think you need to learn a little bit more. Don’t blame yourself. Mark Manson wasn’t lying when he said that it truly is an art to not give a fuck.
• But really, do yourself this favour and keep it simple. If you like it, do it and if you don’t, just stop doing it. Learned this the hard way but this is something I strive to live by!

10. Stay healthy – physically and mentally

Benefits:

• Eat clean and move a little bit. You won’t fall sick – Ha! I’m a genius to have figured that out! 🙂
• You’ll feel lighter, more active, sleep better, be more present, and therefore, just be better at everything you do.
• While you’re focusing on the physical, don’t forget the mental. It is equally important if not more.

How to go about it:

• Clean your consumption. This not only includes what you put into your body but also what you put into your brain.
• Get into a routine of planning your meals,  exercise, social media time and content.
• All that content you’re consuming has an impact on how you think, what you do and even what you believe in.
• Keep a specific time for all the negative news. I suggest that you don’t catch up with it first thing in the morning or the last thing at night.

• Side note – have you watched the Social Dilemma? Or read about the Arushi Talwar Murder case? Still surprised by how the content we consume can influence our core values and how we live our lives!

I always end most of my productivity and decluttering posts by saying that you can’t get it all done in a day. So don’t get overwhelmed and plan your decluttering exercise because it will take time. Take some time to plan it and spread it over. 

Just take one hour out of your day daily and dedicate it to conscious living and decluttering everything unnecessary in your life. Review your progress every week and don’t beat yourself up for not getting enough done. Give yourself a break and when you’re ready and rejuvenated – get right back on track.

What is my story?

I was working at a big-law working a full-time job. When I say full-time, I mean full-time – I was on call twenty-four hours and my work timings were not fixed. If there was work to be done, it had to be done! Amidst all of that kind of work schedule, I decided to take a competitive exam for the (dream) job.

A few weeks into the studying process, I realised that others competing with me were studying full-time and already revising for the fifth time when I had just started studying. When I sat through the preliminary exam, I knew I would qualify for the mains but I also realised I couldn’t just sail through the mains without a definite plan. There were 12 seats and thousands were competing for each seat. I didn’t have to qualify, I had to be in the top 12! I knew I needed a productivity cheat sheet to make sure I was using all of my time well especially given my work schedule.

Here is what I learned from my experience.

Why do you need a productivity cheat sheet?

I remember sitting with about twelve to fourteen subjects on my desk for a competitive exam that was only about six months away. For about two months, I sat looking at those books overwhelmed with the study load while also working my full-time job at a big law. 

All I thought about during these two months was how busy I was at my day and night job (no kidding, we didn’t have working hours so say – talk about hectic!) and how everyone else preparing for the exam was preparing full-time just for this. 

Luckily for me, during the third month of my so-called prep, I figured that unless I found a way to use all 24 hours consciously and judiciously, there was no way that I was cracking the exam. A few months later – I cracked the prelims and the mains followed by the interview to be where I wanted to be finally.

So, you may be all over the place with the to-do list right now, but honestly, the only thing keeping you from achieving your goals is a cheat sheet to help you plan well and maximize your productivity during the limited time that you have.

Hope that’s enough motivation for now. Let’s jump right in –

How to make your ideal productivity cheat sheet:

Set the right mindset

What even is the right mindset? It is a mindset where you know your goal, why you need to reach the goal, and how no matter what, you are going to get there. 

So, please STOP listening to anyone telling you that you can’t achieve your goals or how difficult it is going to be for you with everything you have going on for you. This could be a friend, a relative, an Instagram handle, or any other source or person leaving you feeling low and in self-doubt. 

You just don’t need that in your life. So, if you need a sign to cut it off, here it is! Thank the Universe!

Instead, fill all of that space that you now have with the people who remind you that YOU CAN DO THIS. Mind you, we are not looking for any external validation here but to surround ourselves with the optimistic guy who won’t hold you back.

Stop saying that you’re not the person who gets things done. YOU ARE THAT PERSON YOU WANT TO BE! Trust me, this always works.

Figure out what you need to accomplish

You need to know your goal! I can’t stress this enough. I don’t mean just think of the vague picture but really if you don’t know what the destination is like, you can’t plan your journey to reach the destination.

Setting goals to achieve your ultimate objective has a direct connection with long-term success. It keeps you motivated and on the track. So says the science! You can read about it here.

Get into the details – what is the deadline? What is the end goal? Make your goal measurable. Are you looking for 1,000 followers on your Instagram handle in 6 months? Do you wish to have sold 500 first pieces of your product in 2 months? Be specific and put it all down on a piece of paper.

Plan well – do your research

Now that you know where you want to get to, let’s start with how to get there. So this is where you do your research.

Figure out how others achieved their goals that they did. You won’t believe how much information the internet has and will give to you free. Start by asking ChatGPT or just simply watch videos of people sharing their experiences on YouTube. Don’t hold back and reach out to them through LinkedIn or even email them. (P.S. – don’t forget to take notes on the side)

When you know what it takes to get where you want to be, that’s when you get to the next step in making your productivity cheat sheet.

Make a to-do list

Now that you know what all the others did, let’s make a list of all that you need to do. Let’s make it as broad as possible to cover all the tasks and under those tasks, put all sub-tasks and get as specific as you can get.

For example, if you need to deliver on a project for a client in 4 months, you need to set milestones based on the stages of the project and use these milestones to prepare a detailed to-do list which you can then use to allocate work to the team and fix deadlines. 

Please spend as much time as possible on this because this will serve as your holy grail to stay on track.

Break your goal up into smaller milestones

Looking at the project as one big goal can look like a daunting task and leave you feeling overwhelmed. So, break it up into smaller goals and set defined timelines for those goals.

When I looked at the list of 20 subjects to be covered, it seemed like I would never be able to get it done. But I figured I had three months to finish the prep, out of which I needed one month for the revisions, I was able to break up the syllabus into smaller chunks and stop being overwhelmed with the magnitude of the task I needed to accomplish. Similarly, I would also do the same for my work and then get to striking things off from each of the lists.

I know when the client asks for their e-commerce website to be up and running in 15 days, there is just so much to be done that you don’t even know where to start. Well, start by drawing up the to-do list breaking it up into smaller tasks, and finishing those tasks one at a time. 

Prioritize what is important

All tasks on the to-do list will not take the same time for you to complete and will not be as important. 

You need to sort these tasks out based on the time that it will take to complete them and the order of importance of tasks. If you have 10 chapters that you need to complete in 10 hours, you need to figure out which are the most important and will have maximum weightage in exams. And also figure out which chapters will take the maximum amount of time to complete. If you have 5 clients, all of whom are pushing for their deliverables, you know that the one who pays the most is the most important one who needs to be catered to before you get to the others.

Accordingly, plan your 10 hours to complete the most important chapters which are the lengthiest, and then move to other chapters. But if there is ANY task on your list that will take less than 15 minutes of your time, DO IT NOW!

Take breaks

If you can barely focus on an Instagram reel or a YouTube short that lasts for 30 seconds, there is hardly a chance that you will sit through the 10 hours of office time and send out that deliverable in one go. 

There are proven ways to learn how to manage limited time and ensure that you don’t get burnt out in the process. I highly recommend you try the Pomodoro Technique to effectively manage your time.

Avoid distractions

For me, the Pomodoro videos on YouTube worked wonders when I needed to give myself the motivation to work on my blog for 25 minutes followed by a 5-minute break.

Over time, I have trained myself to sit for longer hours but I know I need a break when I need to read a sentence thrice to make sense of it. You can read more about how to stay focused right here.

Have a sacred place to work out of

If you’re going to the office, I am sure your desk will suffice. But if you’re working or studying from home or anywhere, it would help if you had a space dedicated just to work that is not disturbed by anything else. It will help you avoid distractions and focus on the task at hand. God knows multitasking is not as useful as we thought it to be.

Pro tip – There happens to be a study room near my place that I used during my CS exams. I was just amazed to see how much more work I got done during that time. I have tested this myself and seen the vast difference in the results.

Put this on your productivity cheat sheet – find a place to work from.

Stay on course

The idea of having a broad blueprint of your milestones is to make sure that you stay on track and don’t stray too far from the final goals.

At the end of every stage of the project, figure out where you stand to review your position and evaluate further courses of action. As you go about completing your detailed to-do checklist, achieving small goals, and completing the milestones, you will learn more about the project and the goal you’re working on.

Since your productivity cheat sheet is thankfully not cast in stone, so please do set out some time at the end of each milestone to see where you are. 

For instance, if you’re working with a client, you should also take time to communicate with them about the achievement of the milestones (YAYY!!) and ask for feedback so you don’t deliver a far-from-expected product to your client. You will also have the added advantage of the client having confidence in your work and being satisfied with the work product. 

Don’t forget your ‘why’

The process of getting where you want to be can sometimes be time-consuming and make you feel like you’re stuck. Keep reminding yourself why you decided to do this in the first place. What was your motivation and how should you keep going to get where you want to be? Why did you start researching how to make a productivity cheat sheet in the first place?

Don’t forget what your “why” is in the process. What is it that got you to sit and figure out how to make a productivity cheat sheet in the first place? Write this right on top of your productivity cheat sheet and display it on your desk or your laptop. Look at it every single day especially when you’re having a slow day and finding it hard to keep going.

There you go, you can now put yourself on the path to consciously work towards your goals. 

While looking up ways to cover as much syllabus as possible, I came across the Pomodoro technique. Many people claimed that this technique helped them get a heightened focus while studying and doing complex tasks at work. 

So I tried it for myself. Let’s get right to understanding a little bit about what this technique is and how you can use it to maximise your potential.

What is the Pomodoro technique for time management?

The technique involves using a timer for a set period, usually 25 minutes, as a high-productivity period followed by a 5-minute break. Each Pomodoro session is then repeated four times before you can take a slightly longer break.

Typically, it is suggested that you use a clock and not a device like your phone while using this technique to avoid any distractions.

How did the Pomodoro technique come about?

I would think that somehow, the etymological meaning of ‘Pomodoro’ would in some language mean efficiency or something to do with focus. But guess what, the word ‘pomodoro’ has nothing to do with time management, or productivity, or efficiency. It means ‘tomato’ in Italian. 

The time management technique came to be known as the ‘Pomodoro technique’ because the guy, Francesco Cirillo back in the 80s happened to use a kitchen clock shaped like a Pomodoro for the timed sets of 25 minutes and the 5-minute break.

There is not much that you need to use this technique. All you need is:

• Know what is it that you need to get done;
• Get yourself a timer – preferably not on your phone because you should ideally be putting that far away;
• Set the timer to 25 minutes and get to work!
• When the timer rings, set the timer to 5 minutes, and step away from your books/laptop (Don’t go too far, you need to hear the timer ring you when the 5 minutes are over);
• When the timer rings again, set it to 25 minutes again and get back to work;
• Repeat this 4 times and then you can take a longer 20-30 minutes break.

How it works

This technique is based on the theory of “cognitive load”. According to this theory, the ability of the human mind to receive and absorb information is limited. After that ability is exhausted, it is better to give it a break to diffuse from the regular thinking space.

Studies have also been conducted where complex scientific concepts were taught to students divided into two groups – out of which, only one was taught using the Pomodoro technique. 

The scientists found that the group that was taught using the Pomodoro technique not only grasped the concepts better and stored them better in their working memory, but some of the students of this group also perfected the tests they were supposed to conduct.

My experience with the Pomodoro technique

The short answer is yes. But the long answer is worth reading.

I honestly did not know the science behind the technique before I started using the technique. Lucky for me, it just popped up in my YouTube suggestions when I was trying to search for some online tutorials and started using it rather unconsciously. 

As I did the two Pomodoros, I realized I had covered a much larger chunk of the syllabus than I was usually covering without the Pomodoros. So I  realized two hours into using this technique that my productivity had increased.

How did Pomodoro help me?

• Increased focus: The obvious benefit of the Pomodoro was heightened focus during the focus period. Because the clock made me conscious about the fact that I was studying, mentally I was able to cut out the distractions and focus on what I had to get done. If you want to read more about increasing your focus while working, you can read it here.
• Goal setting: I became conscious of how much I needed to get done given the time frame. So I figured how much I could cover up during each Pomodoro. This technique helped me set small and big goals for myself. 
• Break reset: During the break, I get the time and space to think about how much I’ve covered and how much still needs to be done. This reset period gave me the time and space to rethink my strategy to cover more if needed. 
• Time awareness: As the timer would ring every 25 minutes, I would notice how much time had passed so I was a lot more aware of how much time was passing while I was studying.
• Increased accountability: After each Pomodoro, I ended up taking stock of work pending to be done for the day. This helped me keep track of everything I had done so it made me feel way more accountable. 
• Efficient tracking: As I completed a few topics during each Pomodoro, I marked them completed on my to-do list and got immense satisfaction and motivation to get more accomplished. 

How did the technique hold me back?

There were also some drawbacks I noticed with this technique if used in a very rigid manner. 

• Too rigid: First of all, a lot of people make it extremely complex by setting out a detailed list of do’s and don’ts. Instead of focusing on getting the most work accomplished, I started focusing on how to properly apply this technique. So the whole point of using the Pomodoro technique to get the best productivity results kind of became unfruitful. 
• Breaks the flow: 25 minutes was great in the beginning when I started using this technique. But as I practised it more frequently, my attention span also seemed to get better – no, this is not the drawback here. The drawback is how the break after 25 minutes acted more like a disruption than a reset. 
• Wastes time: Because I was disrupted, it would then take a few minutes after I restarted the focus period to get back to work, especially with the same kind of rigour. This ended up wasting a lot of time.

This doesn’t mean that the technique didn’t work, it just meant that it needed to be pinched a little bit.

How can you improve Pomodoro?

So, I decided to tweak the technique to my advantage and liking. This is how I did it and how you can improve the technique to apply it to yourself in a personalized way.

• Don’t break focus even after 25 minutes: if you’re in the high focus zone, ditch the Pomodoro when you feel like it is becoming a distraction more than a tool to enhance productivity. Cc
• Change time limits: As I went on to use it more and more, I realized that my focus period increased and I immersed myself in the study material only to find myself getting disrupted at the end of 25 minutes. So I gradually increased the focus period to 30 minutes and so on. Currently, I can work with hyper focus using the Pomodoro for about 45 minutes followed by a 5-minute break.
• Don’t use your phone as a timer: If you use your phone as a timer, there is a high chance that you will end up getting distracted by a notification popping up on the home screen that is bound to disrupt your focus. This will happen not only during the focus period but also during the interval time where you might lose track of time completely. I highly recommend that you use a timer that is not connected to the Internet in the first place.
• Use it everywhere: There is clear evidence that this technique works. There is no reason to limit its use only to studying and working. Use the technique everywhere while doing simple and complex tasks.

Pro tip: Add some calming music: What helped me a lot during my stress-study period was using the Pomodoro technique along with some calming music playing alongside. You’re welcome